About 10 years ago, my mind was trying to kill me. But I worked hard on having good thoughts and set out to self-medicate using my mind and my actions, determined never to be forced to take anti-depressants.

In that spirit - I climbed the highest mountain in our nearby park (I'm terrified of heights), I started the CGA program (and came first in BC in my first exam), I built a cedar strip canoe (and developed a cedar allergy so needed some help from my hubby to finish it). Wow - if that isn't using good thoughts and feelings.

But still my mind was determined to kill me. EVERY DAY, I thought about dying. I didn't want to commit suicide because of the effect on my family so I went around hoping for some nasty accident to do the deed.

Eventually, after a couple of years, I gave in and went to a psychiatrist. I was diagnosed with PTSD, major clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder. I began to take meds and to do some serious work using the various therapies she suggested. I uncovered my early childhood trauma (that I thought was normal).

I slowly became well - it took more than a year. I've been well ever since (and continue to take very low doses of anti-depressants).

I look back and cannot understand why my mind was in that black hole. The world is wonderful - my husband, children and grandchildren are wonderful.

I am the same person - I continue to have good thoughts and feelings as I tried to do then.

Depression is not the result of improper thinking. My experience tells me this.

Wendy

Rheumatoid Arthritis
Methotrexate, Celebrex, Plaquenil