I totally understand Skywalker. Watching my mom fight the MS battle is hard. She barely understands what I say now on some days. My Dad has AS, although he is in remission now. I remember when my dad's AS set in and we stopped camping and he always seemed to be in a cranky mood. Now I understand why. I did not understand or deal with it well when I was young. we have talked about that since.
I missed the last couple of years my sons were home, before they left for college, in some ways. We did not go golfing, fishing, and camping like we had for most of their lives as my feet were in an AS flare. I deeply regret not getting more aggressive treatment and enjoying those years with my sons. Memories of how my dad shut down relived themselves in my life. ON the flip the worry about MS was there for me as well. I finally decided I needed to live for the now and enjoy the activities I can do before I get to old to do them. That was my call if it helps in any way.
I know this is not easy and I hope you can find a way to make a decision that you find peace with. You have my respect and all the luck I can send you
