Hi emmab, I hear ya. I'm in my first year.
One day I am so mad at my family for not taking this seriously. Why isn't it on their mind 24/7? Why aren't they totally freaked out?
Next day I am the one in denial, acting as if it were all nothing, and behaving foolishly (eating starchy, having that 1 cigarette at a party, moving furniture)...
I think having a foot in either door is exhausting. But it's probably all part of acceptance, too.
I also feel like a fraud, because I'm not in a wheel chair, because I'm HLA negative, because I want it to be so. But I'm pretty sure that hanging out at this site will bring (eventually) a rational attitude towards all of this that will lead to productivity and the best possible health, as opposed to fear and isolation. It sounds to me like all your questions are the right ones (because they sound like mine), and you're on the path to doing well for yourself!
Good luck!
CC
