Dear Pam,
I'm so very sorry for your loss, and understand what sort of conflicted feelings living so far away from someone you've loved and lost can bring. Please please be kind to yourself during this time, and that means not beating yourself up with should haves and could haves. You made loving and caring decisions for Reggie. I have a friend whose sister is autistic, and I know the support and self-worth that Karen gets from her assisted living programs gives her so much more than her family could ever give her on their own. And! you were planning to go down this summer. You know in your heart you would have moved that trip forward if you had any inkling this was coming.
Unfortunately there are just not enough premonitions in this world.
Hang in there Pam. I hope you're able to get there, but if not, things will work out OK as well. I lost my grandmother over a year ago now, and I didn't go home for the funeral for so many reasons. It really tore me up inside, but in the end I realised she wasn't actually *there* anymore, and I could tell her I loved her and missed her from here just as well as I could being in Winnipeg.
My love goes out to you and your boys. I hope Reggie's somewhere nice, wearing his favourite shirt, eating pancakes and saying all the things he couldn't say when he lived on this earth.
Biggest hugs,
Jeanna
