Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion #1 AS Web Support Group Laugh or what

My husband of 37 years recently hurt his back at work. He took himself to bed and I was giving him all the sympathy I could (more than I ever get from him) until he calmly informed me this hurts a lot you have no idea how it feels, now I wouldn't wish this on anyone but if only he could walk in the shoes of one of us just for a day.
Sandra

Sandra... I know just what you mean... If I had a nickle for the times I've wished that were possible. It would be great if you both saw the same Doctor... He could slap him on the back and tell him to buck up and stop being a baby... that his discomfort is not nearly as bad as you experience everyday! I've always found it sardonically amusing that my spouse would easily accept someone else's opinion after refusing to accept that same notion when I expressed it at an earlier point in time. Men! You can't always live with them... and you can't shoot them! Guys.. I'm just kidding!





I'll stop fighting when pigs fly!

I read that softnite ;o) all good fun. Sandra my wife asked for a back rub last night and I had a little tinch of guilt for thinking "where is my back rub?,"

Hi Sandra,

I can relate too well - and therefore am no help at all.

I lived with a guy who had a physical job and was always complaining of some back pain - a twitchy sort of thing. He took off time from work (a year and a half!), due to this pain and went to physio etc. I think he had honestly injured himself and experienced terrible pain for about 3 days. I have always managed to stay working (except for short spell in hospital), though I realise sometimes this was a stubborness beyond sanity. It helped my self esteem and made me feel worthwhile - which I desperately needed at the time.

I tried my best to be sympathetic - and failed miserably He was not inhibited from normal activities and complained countless times throughout each and everyday. One day, he tried to tell me I didn't understand the pain he felt,... and I laughed and asked if we could trade. It was stupid of me,... a spontaneous reaction,... I still feel guilty about it. Everyone has different tolerance levels and his was extremely low - he can't help that. My intellectual side knows this full well, and yet I could not find any sympathy though I searched inside myself high and low. I expected more of myself, yet my raw gut reaction continued to believe he should 'Buck Up'.

Needless to say the relationship ended - my choice - my failing. He is still a close friend, and I guess I have learned more about myself from the experience. Perhaps the really difficult pain is given only to those of us who are able to bare it. Or perhaps that is just what I need to believe.

mig

Hi Sandra,

Your post and the replies reminded me of an event that took place about 20 years ago when I was even more impatient than I am now and much more filled with youthful male pride.

I was up all night with excruciating pain in one of my legs just watching the clock and praying for relief. In the morning a friend brought me to the hospital to see if they could help. Up to that time and since I have always been pretty closed mouth with those around me as far as my pain went, but I learned that that was self destuctive if you did it with doctors when you were looking for something for the pain. By the time we arrived at the hospital the pain had started to let up a little but was still quite bad. So as useual I whined a little more with the doctors about it than I normally would because I knew it was the only way to get the pain medication I wanted. Well one of the young doctors said something like "you have a fairly low tollerance of pain don't you" . Well not being a confrontational type person all I did was look back at him with disgust and anger and think to myself, and here is the youthfull male pride, I wish we could be hooked up together on some type of pain machine and we'll just see who has a low level of pain tollerance.

Its interesting how we can look back on painfull memories and now get a real laugh out of some of them.

Hope both you and your husband are blessed with the pain relief we all desire.

Take care, Steve

He has turned my mourning in to dancing.

Dear Sandra,

I know what you mean. My husband was injured at work back in 93, he never had any real pain concerns before that time. I was in constant pain for about 7 years at that point in time. He had no sympathy and could not identify with what I was going through. After his back operation, he made a complete 'about face' and was a lot more tolerent of others in pain. His injury made a big impact in his life, psychologically it hurt him more than physically. He hasn't seemed well or happy since then and I think he is depressed and in pain as well. He still goes to work every day...have to respect that.

Honeywest

I wish I didn't know what you mean, but I know all too well. It is as if we inconvenience our families, and they would like to deal with that by ignoring it. A little back rub would give me soooo much relief in my worst pain, better than any drug and safer too, but there is no way I could ask my hubby or teenaged kids to do that one little thing for me.

I too wish for a machine to connect to others to let them experience my pain. They have no idea. They resent it and complain if I ask them to carry a cup of coffee for me from the kitchen to the livingroom (which I got up and made) when I can't because I need both hands for two canes to hobble back.

My mom went through cancer and then bowel surgery. I didn't hesitate at age 13 to pitch in, do laundry, scrub floors, get her coffee, and look after my five younger sisters. I must not have raised my children as well as my parents did me.

Do I sound angry? That's only because I am.

Val.