banners
Kickas Main Page | Rights and Responsibilities | Donate to Kickas
Forum Statistics
Forums30
Topics43,800
Posts518,817
Members13,850
Most Online1,568
Jun 29th, 2016
Newest Members
Icylon, Lache, Kimberlee, Jamielyn, ClarusMoof
13,850 Registered Users
KickAs Team
Administrator/owner:
John (Dragonslayer)
Administrator:
Melinda (mig)
WebAdmin:
Timo (Timo)
Administrator:
Brad (wolverinefan)

Moderators:
· Tim (Dotyisle)
· Chelsea (Kiwi)
· Megan (Megan)
· Wendy (WendyR)
· John (Cheerful)
· Chris (fyrfytr187)

QR Code
If you want to use this QR code (Quick Response code) just save the image and paste it where you want. You can even print it and use it that way. Coffee cups, T-Shirts etc would all be good for the QR code.

KickAS QR Code
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 3 1 2 3
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 8,190
Very_Addicted_to_AS_Kickin
Offline
Very_Addicted_to_AS_Kickin
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 8,190
Get married and live your life the best you can...I have three children and my AS went into remission with each pregnancy.

So far my children seem to be fine but even if they develop AS there have been so many treatments and help just in the 20 years I have had it..I would have children again in a minute you cant live your life in fear

Just be as honest as you can with your girlfriend and let her decide if she wants to be with you...I bet she will

Lisa


Speak kindly, Live simply, Care deeply, Love generously, and BLAH, HA, HA, LOUDLY! every chance you get.

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 169
C
First_Degree_AS_Kicker
Offline
First_Degree_AS_Kicker
C
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 169
Marriage? Only you and her will know.

Children? Apparently, we can make our children less susceptible to our genetic flaws through practices done before, during and after conception.(male and female)

Epigenetics is an interesting subject. I just started this book;
http://smile.amazon.com/Better-Baby-Book...etter+baby+book

I'm married but am also weighing the decision to have kids.

Good luck

Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 360
Fifth_Degree_AS_Kicker
Offline
Fifth_Degree_AS_Kicker
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 360
I have my doubts but always hoped so.

Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 29
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 29
Hi.cooldood83.. I don't knew if I've a.s..have all simptons..OK so my life I've 3 kids..both hoys are autistic.one has ADHD too..hard work..oldest is 18.. He was 10 when fianly told what crack was..by then had another two kids..grip came 2 and..OK so she has depression 13.. I too had this had her ago..and food prop so does she..I've never told her until now!!! Told 3 year ago my youngest has ADHD and is very austisc..been 3 different schools !!!!told my daughter will have kids the same autsic!!!!how do l tell her that!!!oh and my son has really bad lower backs...has he my props?????well like all things in my life we will just get on do our dam best!!!would I have kids if knew????but wouldn't have it any other way could be worse!!! My dad died this time last year 55.. Drink..I drank a lot younger..grow up had kids!!love them to bits..a lot say couldn't cope with my life...have to no choice in matter..brush your self down..have fun in life..don't knew what will happen...the what its..buts..will get you.....


a.s????d.d.d.lower spine..arthritis. Joint pain..just had tests..oh just had MRI!!told spondylotic bony abnormalities, spondlosis,mild spondloarthrosis!!disc protrusions 2. L3.4.L4.5.and s1 discs out there. Oh enlargement of right s1.sclerotic changes of s1 joint..no doctor has yet expanded all!!!!
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 526
Veteran_AS_Kicker
Offline
Veteran_AS_Kicker
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 526
My first ex wife and we're married 14 years, had a son, a daughter, a nice home and good jobs. We had a dog and a white picket fence, I guess you could say we were " living the dream "
I will never forget the words " I want a real man "
my ex wife and I could be poster children of failure, and I could tell you horror stories that haunt me to this day.
However, on the flip side, I see our friends and family who were the same age, who didn't screw up their lives, and the future of their children.
Marriage is a wonderful thing, having a family is a blessing. However, I do have a nephew with AS, and he is at a disadvantage so young in life, and cannot get life insurance for him. I do worry for his future, his two brothers however show no signs. When you get married and have children and both mother and father stays in the marriage for life. There is no greater accomplishment. I do hope you get married and have all the blessings a marriage has to offer.

Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 9,522
Likes: 3
Offline
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 9,522
Likes: 3
Hello Cooldood

As others have said, it is a personal choice. I found the right lady later in life, 13 years after I was diagnosed with AS. I also have a 6 year old son now... I would have it no other way.

My father also had AS.. but was diagnosed after both my brother and I were born.

Learn all you can about AS.. there are medications, diets, alternatives and exercise for treatments. The more you know, the more comfortable you will be with making a decision.

First step with AS is positive outlook... if it let it get you down it will.

Tim


AS may win some battles, but I will win the war.

KONK - Keep ON Kicking
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 225
M
Second_Degree_AS_Kicker
Offline
Second_Degree_AS_Kicker
M
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 225
I would hope so as I just got engaged !
My future husband and I have been together nearly 8 years, and he's been with me through my darkest times. Don't know if I would have managed without him. But I know that despite my not-always-brilliant health, I bring him a lot !
Live your life, don't let AS win the battle !!

Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 2,576
Likes: 3
Offline
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 2,576
Likes: 3
Hello cooldood, and welcome to KA.

As others have said, of course you can get married. I understand your concerns, and it's good you have a conscience and worry about what might happen to a spouse and children in the future, but the bottom line is you absolutely cannot predict what might happen with your AS.

For starters, it sounds as if you've had a fairly mild bout of the disease so far, but I say that wholly in comparison to those here who have very severe cases of AS (myself included, more on that in a moment). I'm not downplaying your own medical situation at all, just noting that, thus far, you have mad fewer symptoms, fewer flares, and a less severe manifestation of AS than many others who are your age. Your disease could suddenly take a turn and become more severe as you age, but it's not as likely that will happen as it would be if you were already exhibiting severe symptoms and flares.

So, that's one thing. You've been luckier than most thus far, not as lucky as others, but up until this point, it sounds as if you've led a good life and managed the disease whenever it appeared in your life. If you get married, you'll just keep doing that very same thing--managing the AS as it crops up. The nice thing is, you won't be doing it alone anymore. It's perfectly normal to worry about how a future spouse would handle you having AS, but as long as you are totally honest with that person before you get married, you should have nothing to worry about. By that I mean that if you are totally honest and a) tell her you have AS; b) show her what the disease is and what it might do to you in the future, ranging from best case to worst case scenarios; and c) be completely open and honest with her in every way when discussing your AS and what it might mean for the both of you in the future, then you have given her all the information she needs to make an informed decision about whether or not she wants to marry someone with an illness like AS. My guess is that if she is still with you at that point, then she understands what she is getting into and has decided that, ultimately, it doesn't matter to her if you have AS.

Once, long ago, one of my bosses at the job I had before AS forced me to take a disability retirement had an eye-opening discussion with me. He was at a point where he had to sort through several candidates and choose four new managers out of pool of roughly eight candidates. If I was healthy, I knew I would have been an automatic choice. However, I was only two months away from taking a leave of absence to have major spinal surgery to correct the extreme forward bend in my lumbar spine caused by my AS (the spinal osteotomy surgery that is discussed in several areas of the KA site). Everyone knew I was having the surgery, including my boss, but I discussed it specifically with him because I wanted him to know what I was facing and to know that there was a chance I would never return to the job. I wanted him to know that I would understand if he did not select me for one of the manager spots because of my AS and the upcoming surgery (I knew that legally he couldn't turn me down for that reason, but I was giving him my permission to do that). His response forever changed my view of how folks with any chronic disease should approach it. He pointed out that, surgery or no surgery, the fact of the matter is that I could totally recover from my surgery and return to work, only to be hit by a bus while crossing the street and severely injured or even killed. Either way, he would have to pick a new manager because I wouldn't be there any more. As he also pointed out, that was true for every other managerial candidate, which is why he paid absolutely no attention to my AS or my surgery no matter what the law said--why should he when there were so many random factors that could drastically change my life, and the lives of those who loved me, every minute of every day?

I tell that story now because it applies to you getting married too. No matter how well informed any future spouse might be about your AS, ultimately there is no way she can ever know what the future holds for you or for your marriage, so the best thing she can do is live her life to the fullest and let the chips fall where they may. If she has decided that she loves you the way you are, complete with AS, why wouldn't she marry you? I have AS about as bad as you can have it, as I am still very bent over even after having the spinal surgery (don't get me wrong, it helped immensely, but there is still quite a curvature in my entire spine and especially in the cervical spine, where we had an option to do a second procedure), plus I've had both hips replaced and have watched every major joint become involved as the years passed. I'm at a point now where the only joints I can really still bend are my elbows, my wrists, my left knee, and . . . well, that's about it actually. I tell you this only because back in 1996, I met a wonderful woman who, after a short courtship, became my wife in October of that year. Even though she knew I had AS and had it BAD, her love for me was stronger than the disease. She knew that down the road I might require a great deal of assistance and extra care, but that didn't bother her or stop her from marrying me. I never, ever thought I'd find a woman like that, but I did, and so have many other folks here at KA. Now, I'd like to say we are still together, but that wouldn't be true. What IS true, however, is that I promise you my AS had NOTHING to do with our decision to divorce. After 10 or 11 years together, we just realized that if we stayed together, we were going to end up hating each other, so we decided it was best to split. We separated and stayed married another three to four years, mainly so she could stay on my health insurance because she didn't have any of her own. Our split was very amicable, as one main reason we were splitting was because we realized that we could still be friends if we didn't have the pressure of the marriage bearing down on us, and that has proven to be true. Today, we are very close, and I am even the godfather to the two children she had with the man she married after we split (and I'm friends with him too).

But, as folks here will tell you I often do, I'm rambling now. The main thing I wanted to tell you, and not just in a sentence or two, but with some depth and background information so you could see the big picture, is that you should NEVER think you can't be married just because you have AS. There are people out there who are able to look beyond any illness like AS and love someone for who s/he is, warts and all. In fact, that's what the whole point of falling in love is supposed to be, but as we've all seen, I think, that isn't always the way it is. There are a lot of shallow, callous people out there who are only looking to marry someone who is attractive and medically "perfect" (a state we all know doesn't exist, but some folks are able to fool themselves into believing it does). Life is about taking chances, and if you meet someone you love, and you think that she loves you right back, then you've got to put yourself out there and see if marriage might be the path the two of you were meant to follow. Don't ever let the AS stop you from pursuing all of your dreams, including those of a romantic nature.

As for having children, that's something I can't really help with, as we didn't have children of our own. It is something I worried about while we were trying to have children (never worked out, which is for the best, given the divorce), both from the standpoint of not wanting to pass on the disease and from knowing I wouldn't be able to pick up my kids, or stay with them on my own until they were almost teenagers because it just wouldn't be safe for them (and many other things like that). There are lots of people here who have kids with and without AS, and I'm sure they will provide you with lots of good information on that topic.

Good luck to you, and I hope my answer at least gave you a new perspective from which to look at the whole issue of marriage and AS.

Brad

Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 6,925
Likes: 1
Addicted_to_AS_Kickin
Offline
Addicted_to_AS_Kickin
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 6,925
Likes: 1
No one knows what life has in store. Go for it. It is all about commitment. We have both had health issues; some pretty severe ones. We married at 17 and 19. (not suggesting it) :o)
There was never any question that it wasn't through good times and bad. The word divorce just wasn't in our vocabulary. We have 3 children and they range from 45 to 52 and there is no sign of AS.

Enjoy your life and don't worry about the "what if's". One day at a time.

Blessings.




Possi
*********************************************************

RUN WHEN YOU CAN,
WALK IF YOU HAVE TO,
CRAWL IF YOU MUST,
JUST NEVER EVER GIVE UP!



"A FRIEND HEARS THE SONG IN YOUR HEART AND SINGS IT TO YOU WHEN YOU CAN'T REMEMBER THE WORDS."

"A FRIEND LOOKS THROUGH YOUR BROKEN FENCE TO ADMIRE YOUR FLOWERS."

Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,151
Likes: 4
AS Czar
Offline
AS Czar
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,151
Likes: 4
Namaste, cooldood83:
Quote:

-- Can people with AS and history such as mine get married and lead a healthy marital life? Is it even ethical for me to get married?

Yes, from experience it was the best thing I ever did: My wife took up the fight with me, and prepared all of my starch-free meals and was quite clever--TOO CLEVER--with the safe dishes.
Quote:
-- Will i be able to lead a normal work life or will my wife have to end up nursing me all the time? I don't want guilt trips as it really bothers me the most.

If You are living in India, it is difficult to find appropriate foods, but it can be done.
Quote:
-- Can i have a kid who will be normal?
50% chance each time of avoiding B27 antigen, and probably 18% (total SWAG number) chance of having a child who eventually develops AS as severe as You have it (clinical level).
Quote:
-- Will everyone with AS for sure reach the advanced stage that i read in all the scary stories i get to see online? Where in the web can i find some comforting success stories?
No. KickAS.org NSD Forum: "Success Stories." Read STUDY DO.

You can overcome AS and lead a perfectly normal life; it is up to You.

HEALTH,
John

Page 2 of 3 1 2 3

Link Copied to Clipboard
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 32 guests, and 66 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Recent Posts
Chamomile tea can reduce inflammation
by L33 - 07/26/22 11:20 PM
Best Gym Equipment to have
by L33 - 07/26/22 10:10 PM
Ankylosing Spondylitis is curable
by Sudhir - 07/24/22 07:34 AM
Let Us Know You Dropped In!
by Magician - 07/15/22 05:46 AM
Numb fingers, nerve pain
by Stevenage69 - 07/12/22 11:06 AM
Numb fingers, nerve pain
by Stevenage69 - 07/12/22 10:39 AM
Benifits of Wet cupping/ Hijma
by L33 - 03/20/22 10:53 AM
Popular Topics(Views)
3,229,494 hmmm
1,243,882 OMG!!!!
648,026 PARTY TIME!
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5
(Release build 20201027)
Responsive Width:

PHP: 5.5.38 Page Time: 0.021s Queries: 35 (0.007s) Memory: 3.2953 MB (Peak: 3.5329 MB) Data Comp: Zlib Server Time: 2022-08-09 10:16:43 UTC
Valid HTML 5 and Valid CSS