Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion #1 AS Web Support Group Not giving up

Yes, Aly. I have told my husband at different times to just take me up on the tall grass prairie, wrap me in a blanket and leave me about a week's worth of chocolate.

I can relate. I've thought about killing myself numerous times since my diagnosis was revealed because I'm so scared of the future. I don't think I would do it but the thought is definitely there. Hang on.

Please don't give up.. Arthritis on its own can be absolute hell as we all know. Depression on the other hand can be even worse, which is unbelievably scary. I've experienced both. You can get through this.. just remember that it is a pendulum. You WILL have bad times and you WILL have times of less pain so keep fighting. I refuse to let this condition stop me from achieving my dreams and goals and i know you will get through this.

Seb

I've never contemplated suicide, but at its worst, I really didn't care if I lived or died....I know that feeling.

But as you said, flares come and go, for me at least.

And every time I get through something hard, it gives me the strength the next time to know I'll get through that as well.

But, for anyone who is or has contemplated suicide even briefly, or is even depressed, please seek out professional help from a psychiatrist or psychologist.

There are also hotlines, support groups, etc.

Reaching out here is good too, but if its not enough, please seek out the other help as well.

Erica on here lost her 25 year old daughter to depression as she described it and I know she misses her every day. I hope she sees this post and adds in more advice on how to get help for anyone who may need it.

It amazes me how pain can change my mood. I wish I could say that I can rise above it, but I can't. It really sucks me under and I just don't care anymore.

Its important to have a strong advocate. For me, that's my husband. When I'm in so much pain that I just can't make rational decisions, just don't have the energy or motivation to move forward (call the doctors for example, get myself to the doctors for example), he's there to step in and take care of things when I can't. If it weren't for him, I'm find a friend or family member to take over that role if I could.

Becky, glad you are sending yourself and others this message, but if you even think you might need help, and aren't strong enough to do it on your own, please seek out the proper help.

I know in some cases that suicide can run in families. So if your dad did it, might you be more prone to the feelings? If this is the case, please be careful and proactive. And if you can't be proactive, I hope you have someone there who can be in your behalf.

Continuing to think of you. Hope you check in soon.

Hugs.
Possi

http://www.suicidology.org

That's the site I go to the most for info on the subject.

I'm not sure I'd call suicide the easy way out. Far to many folks end up with horrible permanent damage to their bodies and brains from failed attempts. Also, I don't see how killing oneself could possibly be easy.

My daughter died of depression 28 months ago. It has devastated our family, but I've never been upset with her. She suffered long and hard. Every day I feel nauseous and wrecked and heart/soul sick without her.

Her friends started a fb page on her name to combat the stigma of suicidal thinking. 1/5 of us suffer from it in any given year. Gotta start calling it what it is.
www.facebook.com/KRC4LIFE

I wrote a note to the public and my family there. Please read it.

Thinking of you Erica. Continuing to think of you Becca.

Thank you to EVERYONE who posted, I really needed to be authentic with how I was feeling. Pain is still over the top ( note to self, never say it can't get worse ), I need pain management, and where I live the only pain relief they will give is through shots, I do take biologics and tons of other stuff, but getting it under control has been another subject. I can't do anymore shots, I am beyond shots, they know it makes me worse, not just from my complaining, but from the MRIs they have to do the shots under. What ever, I wish I could handle anti-depressents, but they make me sooooo suicidal it's not even funny, but once again because I won't take them at all now, I was turned down for pain management. What the Hell ? Anyway, thank you to everyone who have looked after me on here. I want to help and be helped, and this post has shown me that I can do both even when I can't keep up my BS sunny, and positive disposition .

and yes, suicide can run in families and even with friends, they say that we accept it, where as most people in society don't accept it because they never have had to accept that some one they love ended their life... specially children who have lived and accepted a parent's suicide.

((Becky)) So glad to see you post. I have been so concerned about you as have so many others. You are cared for!!

I am so sorry you can't get better pain management. That has kept me going through the years.

Have you been able to enjoy the Spring gardening at all? I have thought of you when I am out walking around "looking" at my garden. Thanks to a caring daughter, she has the yard looking so good and my flowers are so pretty. My husband got a few veggies planted. All the rain we have gotten has everything looking better than it has for 3 yeas. Storms have been bad but the rain has been wonderful.

Check in along. You don't have to be all sunshiny. This is a wonderful supportive family.

Hugs.