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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 121
Journeyman_AS_Kicker
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Journeyman_AS_Kicker
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 121 |
My flare up has gotten to the point of needing radiation. I have been so depressed, but pushing myself to go no matter how much it hurts. I am bruising from the inside out on my joints, I could go on, but I know we all are there or have been. So, my point is don't give up, it sucks, and I don't want to do it ANYMORE !!! I am saying this because it is true and I know some of you face the same feelings, and confronting the true feelings of what is happening is SO important. Ok, so yes, I would like to take " the easy way out ", which kills your family and just ends you , and I know truly what that feels like. My father had severe PTSD from Nam, he killed himself when I was young, and I will never recover from what he did 40 yrs ago, I am sharing this because no matter what is going on, or how bad it gets, it truly is a short term problem , no matter how long you deal with it, it's not your life, and it will pass or you will learn to deal with it. This post is not just an FYI, it's a I am screaming again so loudly inside, but so quietly on the outside. If you have a thought of a quick FOREVER solution, it is a bad decision , we can get better . Always remember that the people that love us suffer when we are GONE, not us , we are the ones who hurt, and they fight for us, so we need to fight the good fight too, and not let our love ones down.
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Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 6,928 Likes: 3
Addicted_to_AS_Kickin
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Addicted_to_AS_Kickin
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 6,928 Likes: 3 |
Becky, hold on. I am so sorry you are having so much. Radiation for AS is new to me.
I have been thinking of you and your gardening. I hope this flare passes soon and you can get back to the things you love.
Just know you are loved. I will be praying for you. Check in and let us know how you are.
Hugs
Possi
![[Linked Image]](https://www.kickas.org/images/flowers/Smilingsun.gif) Possi ********************************************************* RUN WHEN YOU CAN, WALK IF YOU HAVE TO, CRAWL IF YOU MUST, JUST NEVER EVER GIVE UP! "A FRIEND HEARS THE SONG IN YOUR HEART AND SINGS IT TO YOU WHEN YOU CAN'T REMEMBER THE WORDS." "A FRIEND LOOKS THROUGH YOUR BROKEN FENCE TO ADMIRE YOUR FLOWERS."
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,501 Likes: 1
Supreme_AS_Kicker
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Supreme_AS_Kicker
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,501 Likes: 1 |
Becky, what is getting radiated? I've never heard of radiation for AS, either. What sort of doctor is recommending it? Big hugs to you as you fight this disease.
DX: Psoriatic Arthritis, Osteoporosis, Psoriasis
Meds: MTX since Oct 2009, 15mg/week. Cimzia-restarted after 2 yrs away.
Epidural Steroid Injections x8; Lumbar Radiofreq Ablation x2
SIJ Steroid Injection x3; Bilateral Radiofreq Ablation SIJ x9
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Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 215
Second_Degree_AS_Kicker
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Second_Degree_AS_Kicker
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 215 |
It did used to be a treatment, but I didn't think it was still being used. According to Wikipedia, "Radiation was used routinely for the treatment of AS from the 1930s through the 1950s. It has since been largely abandoned due to the concern for secondary malignancies."
Keep fighting BeckyJ, hope things get better for you soon.
Last edited by Shirley; 05/22/13 05:23 AM.
AS, IBS, reflux oesophagitis and dysphagia, PCOS/insulin resistance, asthma...
Currently managing my AS with humira, methotrexate, low starch diet and exercises. Also taking omeprazole, metformin etc.
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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,970
Captain_AS_Kicker
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Captain_AS_Kicker
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,970 |
Becky, I know that life can be so hard sometimes and suffering depression is not a weakness it just means that some of us experience emotions more deeply. It is both a blessing and a curse.i am so sorry you are in such pain and suffering both physically and emotionally. Even through the pain your message is clear. You cannot give up, we can not give up. Even though we are all suffering we must all find the inner strength to carry on. We can end our suffering but it will cause all those around us to suffer. It is a selfish act. I hope you find the answers you are looking for. I am concerned as the others here have been about the procedure you thinking of having done. Please do some research and possibly reconsider since there are so many other options out there. I don't remember if you are on biologics or what other medications you are taking but there has to be some other options that will work for you. In the mean time hang in there. We are all here for you to offer emotional support. Will be thinking of you as you continue to fight. 
I can not defeat you but I will not let you win
Jeff
Degenrative disc disease 2005
AS 2008 HLA-B27-
Fibromyalgia 2010
Disability 2012
Back to work part time 2013
Enbrel, Cymbalta,Oxycodone, blah blah blah blah
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,248 Likes: 5
Addicted_to_AS_Kickin
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Addicted_to_AS_Kickin
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,248 Likes: 5 |
So sorry to read that you are hurting so muxch, and your words of tenancity and strength to keep fighting with all we have are inspirational partiuclarly because you know how hard the fight is. Thank you
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Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 6,928 Likes: 3
Addicted_to_AS_Kickin
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Addicted_to_AS_Kickin
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 6,928 Likes: 3 |
I have been thinking of you so much. I hope today is a better day. Come check in. I miss talking to you. I know you are having a hard time. Just know we are here for you.
Hugs.
Possi
Possi ********************************************************* RUN WHEN YOU CAN, WALK IF YOU HAVE TO, CRAWL IF YOU MUST, JUST NEVER EVER GIVE UP! "A FRIEND HEARS THE SONG IN YOUR HEART AND SINGS IT TO YOU WHEN YOU CAN'T REMEMBER THE WORDS." "A FRIEND LOOKS THROUGH YOUR BROKEN FENCE TO ADMIRE YOUR FLOWERS."
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Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 372 Likes: 1
Fifth_Degree_AS_Kicker
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Fifth_Degree_AS_Kicker
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 372 Likes: 1 |
I'm with Possi - I know.....I'm chiming in but the beauty of being part of this group that most KNOW what you are talking about and honestly can say that.
I hope you are doing better...lots of good ears here! Hugs Becky! 
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 295
Third_Degree_AS_Kicker
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Third_Degree_AS_Kicker
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 295 |
Hi Becky,
Man, did you hit the nail on the head. This speaks to me. Ultimately I could never kill myself because I couldn't leave my family behind. However, there are days that I half-way wish I could just disappear, or have never been born. My logical self knows better, but depression and pain are absolute MONSTERS.
Glad you posted what you did. Hope you're feeling better, but if not, still check in when you can.
Aly
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 9,552 Likes: 10
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 9,552 Likes: 10 |
Sorry to read about the depression and pain Becky, keep up the fight and take one day at a time.
Hang in there
Tim
AS may win some battles, but I will win the war.
KONK - Keep ON Kicking
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