Hi Jeanne,
What a wonderful way of dealing with circumstances that make you feel resentful.
I have launched myself wholeheartedly into the NSD but not *before* doing the necessary mental preparation.
I thought long and hard about committing myself to such a step, as I believed that if I went down that path, I *must* be prepared to stay on it for the long haul, if I saw the benefits.
Whilst I haven't exactly been the iron-willed poster girl
, a couple of little episodes of falling from grace has at least proved to me that the NSD has had a significant effect on my overall level of pain and function, especially my night waking (from intolerable pain) and my dreadful morning stiffness.
Having made the decision to go NSD, I told myself that *I* have made a CHOICE to do this. A long term battle with organic depression (and doing CBT to help myself) has given me some useful tools that I can use on a daily basis.
Only *I* can choose how I feel about any given set of circumstances. None of us have *chosen* to live with the spondy monster (proof that "S*$#%T happens..." IMO !
) but how we respond to its effects *is* within our control.
When I think about what I will eat, or what I *will not* eat, I always have a choice. I can choose the NSD foods, or I can choose to risk having dreadful pain by eating the croissants that are in my fridge, or the pasta that I cook for the rest of the family. *I* have control over this aspect of my life, and I can change the choices that I make at any time. Nobody is going to tell me off, I won't die from eating stuff - only *I* will suffer from making poor choices!
Don't get me wrong - I am no martyr - I am just living my life as I CHOOSE. Others may not have to make these choices, and think about it ALL the time, but that's MY life.... I also remind myself that I am NOT the only one having to think about food choices. I have been catering for my DD's dairy-free needs for ages, and have taught her the same thing - YOU can choose to get sick any time you want! I praise her for trying so hard to say "no" when folks offer her stuff that she can't/shouldn't have, and that positive reinforcement helps to keep her resolve strong, I think.
My BF is Jewish, and abides by the laws of Kashrut.When we go out for coffee, she looks at the cakes, and then *chooses* whether she will have a vegetarian lunch, so she can sneak in some cake as well. Another has IBS, another is coeliac. None of them have chosen the path in life that they must take, but they are all committed to what they are choosing to do about it. Maybe that has helped me - I have accommodated the needs of others, so now just do so for myself as well. Probably lucky that I love to cook and experiment, huh?
For many years I have spent the first few minutes of my night-time bedtime finding something in each day that I can be thankful for. It could have been as simple as sunshine, cuddling my cats, or having a good day at work feeling that I *can* help others to take charge of their own situations, or having a kid who is keen to make music with me...
Some days it is hard NOT to feel resentful, but I have learned that this is a very negative thing to do. I can turn it around and make the best of the situation by always trying hard to find *one thing* that has been a positive moment in my day.
I have lived and worked (as a healthcare worker) amongst 2 different poor rural Hindu and Buddhist populations, and they seem to have this way of dealing with some fairly adverse living conditions. The 'big picture' is beyond their control, but how they deal with it seemed to be quite similar - they would complain about the tough stuff, then shrug and say "But what to do, eh?..." then just got on with their lives, taking joy in the little blessings of daily life.
Their philosophical attitudes have had a profound effect on my own dealings with the limitations and frustrations of living a life I would otherwise NOT have chosen...
I really admire your strength to find this path through resentment towards others you may see as more fortunate. Every time you do this, it will have a positive effect on YOU, and make you emotionally stronger.
Have a great day,
Louise
