Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion #1 AS Web Support Group No spark

I know in the past I have gone through major depression. Before I started taking anti-deppresants I used to have passion about certain things like music, watching sci-fi, politics, movies. I was passionate about my job, angry if things would upset me (not often) happy if I was having a good day.

I have been taking anti depressants for some time now and really seem to be ambivilent about most everything going on in my life.Seems like now I am just muddling through each day. I don't know....should I feel this way??? not happy, not sad. I just wish I had that spark, that drive I used to (at least the good part of it). Maybe my mood will get a boost when Spring takes more of a foot hold. I really don't feel depressed at all or am I and just don't know it.

Jeffery,

As a person who is not ashamed to say I have been clinically depressed for the last 10 years and knowing that it runs in my family have been on countless meds for depression.

Now this is just my opinion, but most times when you start a new med you will feel level or not caring does that make sense, I think it is made to at least keep you from dipping to the lowest lows but sometimes we have to give up the highest highs.

I know at times it doesn't seem fair but if I hit the lowest low then I think you know what that would mean and even though I have been there while I have children at home and support from my family then I want to do whatever I can to keep going.

You should ALWAYS have a psych Dr. that you work very close with and you tell them everything..this is your mental health we are talking about..it is just as importent as your physical health.

If any of the drugs make you feel that way for months, or you have any other side effects (big one is sexual side effects) you do not have to just think wow I have to give that up to, no you talk to your Dr. and tell them maybe I need to try something else.

I hope things get better, if you have any questions or just need to talk to someone who has been there and is still there just pm me anytime.

Hugs,

Lisa

Well Jeffery, that sure sounds like depression to me. Angelmom's advice is pretty excellent and I don't have much to add.

Hope you feel better soon

Chris

i started taking anti depressants for depression and panic attacks a few years ago. it was probably 6-8 months that i felt the same way you are describing. i was very lackadaisical towards everything. in fact, my GPA at college dropped to a 1.9 that semester ( I normally kept at least a 3.5). but honestly, i was kind of glad to have that break from being so "on edge" all the time. it basically allowed my nerves and mind some time to heal and recharge. it wasn't long after that i began to become passionate about things again.

i know people react differently to different drugs. but i've heard this same statement from many people i asked about anti-depressants before i started them, and they all said similar things. let yourself recharge. be patient with yourself. it will get better.

-Josh

I disagree. I do not like anti dreppresants, I am a moody person. I been on anti deppresants and various mood stabilizers for years. The zone is unbearable and the zone destroys things. I may be suicidal or angry or whatever but I would rather have that than the zone of anti dreppresants anyday. I have seen family and friends destroyed because of them.

I do agree with going to talk to someone. It does help. It does help to have a neutral person put things in perspective for you. How did your depression start. pm me if you like.

Iain

Hi Jeffery,

I think I have some ideas. I have been on anti-depressants for more than five years now after a major depression that made me extremely ill with very low serotonin levels. I started taking an SSRI (celexa) but had to gradually increase to very high doses to get the depression under control. Eventually, the depression eased by I became extremely unmotivated and "dopey". All my "spark" had gone. I'm normally a very high energy, driven kind of person and that completely disappeared. I moved slowly and nothing inspired me. I had also gained about 30 lbs. A year later, my psychiatrist was on vacation and I decided to try slowly lowering the dose of my celexa to see if it would help. By the time she came back from vacation, my depression was worsening again. I explained to her why I wanted to lower the dose - because I had no energy or spark - but it was clear that this wasn't working.

Apparantly, the increase in serotonin levels was responsible for the loss of drive and energy - serotonin is responsible for calming the brain to balance moods. It's as though the serotonin "over-calmed" me. The neurotransmitter norepinephrine stimulates the brain and generates more nervous energy and excitement. My understanding is that there needs to be something of a balance between the neurotransmitters. So she recommended that I lower the dose of celexa, which is an SSRI and increases the availability of serotonin, and add in wellbutrin which increases the availability of norepinephrine and dopamine. The combo managed my depression effectively and all my energy and spark came back. I now have a very low maintenance dose of both and function very well.

Don't know if this would work for everybody because wellbutrin can cause an increase in anxiety for some. For me, that effect is balanced by the celexa.

It might be worth chatting to your doctor or psychiatrist about the effect of the anti-depressant on your energy levels etc. because I do believe there will be something he/she can do about it for you.

Hope this is helpful!!

Hi Jeff.I feel exactly the way you do.I am also on anti depressants (cipricol) and have no drive what so ever.I have sort of become a anti social person and that isnt like me.I think it is deffinatly from the AS.Wife and daughter say i am moody but for me i cant see it.I have no desire to do anything.

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

Fonzy

I took Wellbutrin to quit smoking (marketed as a smoking cessation aid called Zyban) and found that I felt that way as well. No spark. And I wasn't even depressed to begin with! I also developed anxiety attacks shortly after taking it. I had no idea it was an antidepressant until after I had started on it.

I went back to smoking by the way... that time. The Zyban was only a short term help, and I think it messed me up in other ways that took a long time to recover from. In fact, Im not sure if it didn't permanently alter my mood makeup, if that's possible.

From researching it, I guess thats what antidepressants too - they take the highs and lows off, and leave you in the middle. Sadly for me, I didnt have lows... but now I feel I am missing my highs!

PS. Not relevant to thread, but I did quit smoking eventually on my own - cold turkey.

dude i have been there many times....have you talked to your doc about the way you have been feelin, try that if ya havent.....what i found out is that the meds that i was/is takin most usual cause some type of depression(anxiety,mood swiings), ask your pharmacist for a list of side effects for each of your meds, or go to mayoclinic.com and look them up on your own.....what i did was i got real tired of the way i was feelin so i stopped taken all my meds(cold turkey) and after a week once all the drugs got out of my system i started feeling more normal...now i only take my meds when the pain and stuff is sooo bad i cant sleep then i take only one med not the 12 different one im suppose to be on....my mind is clearer im more rested, im more happier, and im more involved with the ones i am livin with....but always talk to your doc before doin anythin first.....oak

i know i am lucky that i haven't had major clinical depression, but the first winter i moved up here and the sun did not appear the entire month of january, that winter i was feeling kind of flat like you said, i really noticed it when spring came and the sun came out and i felt like my old self again. i can relate to not liking that feeling because i tend to be very passionate about things (as you've probably noted by my posts), both good and bad. for me, using a lightbox in the following winters helped me.

only share this to show that i know how you feel a little, not to suggest that is what is happening with you.

as you suggested, i had a roommate that was taking "mood stabilizing" drugs for a type of epilepsy that made her manic (delusional) with too much light and severely depressed with too little. though the drugs worked at stabilizing her moods, they worked too well, and she just felt like she was going through life like a zombie.

so she talked with her psychiatrist and they were able to find a drug combination and dosage that controlled her high highs and low lows but didn't flatten out her moods to the point of feeling like a zombie.

i see above that others have given you similar advice of working with your psychologist or psychiatrist to find a course of drugs that manages the depression without making you feel so flat.

from the little bit i felt like that from very mild seasonal depression, i know i wouldn't want to feel like that even moreso with no end in sight and would talk to a doctor to see what could be done about it.

hope you get your spark back soon ,

sue