Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion #1 AS Web Support Group Can't sleep

I know others here have more problems than I do but tonight mine feel overwhelming. I have been having trouble with my stomach and gut and that in turn has caused my pain to increase. My pain meds aren't cutting it anymore. To top it off I just found out from my stepdad that my brother is having difficulties again. My mother is depressed because she wonders what will happen to him when she is gone and she is also afraid of him becoming homeless.

You see my brother is a chronic schizophrenic. He is currently living in low income housing and is in danger of losing his place because he is getting worse. His latest is that in the middle of the night he is ranting and raving and stomping on his floor. He just got a notice from his landlady because the neighbors are complaining. They know that he is mentally ill and the landlady has been wonderful but he is getting too disruptive. If he receives 2 more notices he will lose his apartment. Whenever he has problems like this the landlady will talk to him and try to get him to stop. She also calls my mother and stepdad to let them know he is having troubles. I feel bad for my mother. I wish there was something I could do to help but I don't know how. Tonight as I lay in bed next to my husband I kept thinking about how much easier life would be for everyone if he committed suicide or just died of natural causes. Those thoughts make me feel terrible but I know that he would no longer be suffering and neither would my mother. How can I think such things? I myself have suffered from major depression in the past and have also attempted suicide. Right now it feels like a viable option for me. It is hard for me to deal with the stress of all of this. It causes me even more pain (physical and emotional) to feel so helpless to help him and my mother.

On the other hand I know how much it would hurt her if something were to happen to me. I have also been thinking about my husband. He would be lost without me. Death not being a great option at this point I feel like I am pinned into a corner. I wish I could convince him to try some of the new medicines they have now, but how do you convince someone who is paranoid that you are not doing it to hurt him? I can't seem to stop crying right now. It might be a good time to wake my husband and talk to him. he has to get up early though. I hate to do that to him.

I feel like there is so much pressure on me to be perfect. I have 2 brothers and I am the only kid that has moderately succeeded in my life. The only one my mother and father can look at and think they didn't do everything wrong. My oldest brother is a schizophrenic and my other brother has been in prison and loves to make babies all over the place. He seems to be getting his life together though. Hopefully, he will stay on the straight and narrow. Okay now I sound neurotic, don't I? Except for the depression my parents have not had to do much worrying about me. If they only knew what went on in my head at times. I am so tired of worrying and so tired of pain and being careful what I eat and making sure I take my meds on time. I get so tired of it all. Time to try to get some sleep. Don't worry it won't be a permanent one. Now that I have gotten some of this out I think I can sleep a little. Good night all.

Christina

I am sorry your family life is so complex and having AS on top.

I think it is time for you and your husband to have a break and wind down. This weekend try to have some down time, go to a park,nature reserve,beach relax and wind down. Try going and getting a Massage and aromatherapy, ie pamper youself, take hubby with you. I think you need time to escape your family for a short while.

I am glad you vented your fustrations.

Take Care
Wayne

Hang in there, Christina.

Tough stuff about your family. Don't lose hope, let your mom know you support her and that you're there for her and tell everyone how much they mean to you and that you love them. I try to do that in my family, and when I do I can feel the difference.

My father said a lot of things to me growing up, but there is one thing I'm remembering more and more often these days: All you can do is all you can do, and if you're doing it, it's enough.

I don't see telling myself that as a cop out, just an affirmation that I am doing my best. As you take care of your family, don't forget to take care of yourself.

Your pal,

Deanpaul



Regime change, like charity, begins at home. - Ira Glass, This American Life

Christina,

Go and give your husband a real big hug! Feel his love, tell him you're worried, work out some things that can help even if they are only small.

My experience of a friend with schizophrenia, I know it's so hard, when they really need help and medication they are usually so ill, they can't help themselves and comunity services only get involved when it's gone too far.

As for you, think about all the people who would be devastated if you harmed yourself. Please talk this over with your Doctor, you need to learn some tricks to help you through these bad times.

PM me!

David

Hi Wayne.

Thank you so much for responding to my post. It means a lot to me to know that I'm screaming and someone is listening. I am feeling a little better today. I think you're idea of getting away this weekend is a great idea. My husband and I just bought a new Honda CRV and have been thinking about taking a short road trip to break it in. Our anniversary is coming up in a few weeks so we will probably go visit the park where he proposed to me. Sounds like a good idea, don't you think? The place also has a zoo and some waterfront to walk down. A good distraction if you ask me. Thank you for the idea.

Christina

Hi DeanPaul.

Thank you for your support. Sometimes I forget that I can't do everything and I'm not perfect. You are right. We can only do as much as we can do. Most of the time I remember that but occasionally I need to be reminded. Thanks for the reminder.

Christina

That sounds great, enjoy the trip.

I brought myself a Toyota RAV4, very similar to the CRV. I call it my pretend 4 wheel drive, because it is not really a full blowen 4 wheel drive. It is also easy for a person with AS to get in and out of.

I think that park would be a great distraction, and a place you can revitalize.

Take Care
Wayne

Christina: Is your Schizophrenic brother getting medication for his condition? And another question is is anyone supposed to make sure he at least takes his medication?
As far as your other brother ,perhaps you should encourage him to get a vasectomy.Also is he paying support for the children as well as visiting them and being a Father to them or is he dumping them on society?Get yourself the help that you need but the above suggestions should be passed on to your brothers.I am very sick with AS but my 9 year old is # 1 in my daily life.Kids need a father otherwise they tend to end up in prison like your brother.There is a warm place for quitters who commit suicide ,that is not to say truly mentally ill like your brother or you necessarily end up there.Get help and get it now and pray to the Lord Jesus.God Bless you and your family!
kev

Hi Kev.

There is no way to make a mentally ill person take their medication. Unless they are a danger to themselves or someone else we can't get authorities to intervene. There is also no way for us to get the meds for him. He has to willingly go to the doctor and ask for them.

As for my other brother he is now doing his best to pay all of the child support he has been asked to pay. He has 3 kids and sees them as much as he can and unfortunately he can't make any of the mothers actually spend the child support on the children. We have all been in his children's lives as much as the mother's would allow as the rest of us feel that it is not their fault if their parents are not getting along. The kids are still a part of our family.

Christina

Christina,

All you can do is the best you can. It's like having AS no one knows better than someone else who has the disease what it is like to suffer the really bad nights for weeks on end. My experinece with my friend was heart breaking she had been a fantastic person very caring, capable, and she fell apart in a matter of months.

You can't easily get someone paranoid to a Dr or get them to take meds.....

David