Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion #1 AS Web Support Group Life's little blips

Today I sit here at work, contemplating what has happened over the last few years. Most of you are aware of my rollercoaster ride, the low's of being in hospital for day's on end and the loss of a loved one, the high that only a new birth can bring. But yet, although I should be sad, particularily on this day, I find myself content. I have most of my health back, I am back to work doing exactly what it is I set out to do, and I have a gorgeous little bundle named Kendra. My life has become whole through a nasty set of events put in motion by someone greater than I.

I am contented because of my core set of values established by my parents at a young age. I have my family unit now, able to look forward to life's little scrapes, watching as a young one grows into her own life. The thrills that await me abound, and of course there will be more hurdles to cross, more pain to bear, more losses to grieve. I am content in my knowledge of my dads presence watching down over us, watching his only grandchild grow. Kendra will never know the great man that should have been her grampy, yet she will hear the stories one day of the man that meant the world to me. I am complete, my voids closing over, I have reason to celebrate, overjoyed in my newfound duties as a father. To be half the father my own dad was would be a great feat upon itself, and I intend to devote myself to my child as much as my own dad did for me.

It is one year ago today that the man I loved so dear was ripped from our lives. Again, tomorrow is my birthday, a day I no longer care for. I am sure that as Kendra grows and I start receiving the gifts of a young mind, the day will eventually return as something to celebrate. For now it is just a reminder of how my life has been so violently shaken, to prove to me just how fragile we humans really are. But yet, I am so completely at ease with my newfound fortunes, comfortable once again in my role in life. I guess afterall, I am sad, sad that my father will never get to meet Kendra in person, sad that he won't be able to pass on the musings of a life so long ago, his ways as a child, how he coped in a so different world.

So yes, I am content, I am fulfilled in my new role in life, I know that we are never truly alone. Never.


Take care dad.
Love your son.

Doug

Doug, thank you for posting this. I remember how hard your dad's death hit you, on top of your surgeries and everything else that had been going on.

It's good to hear you looking forward.

Hugs to you, Donna and Kendra,

Kat

Hey Doug, that's such a cutie in the picture. Kendra's not half bad either
I am so gald to hear someone having a positive outlook on life, there's too much negativity. We all have our ups and downs, sometimes they come crashing down all at once like they did with you. You are a better, stronger man for pulling through all that and having such a great outlook now.

Glad you're doing well there Bud.

Ian

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. --Benjamin Franklin

Happy for you Doug

Maggie

That's why children are called angels!
I have experienced those same feelings, but it was about my mother and brothers. God gave me an angel to help me get over the loss of my mother and my two brothers. Sounds like you got an angel too!






Susie

That was beautiful Doug. Kendra will grow up knowing your dad through your memories. My father passed away at a young age and my children (20 and 14) talk as if they have known him all of their lives,through my memories.
You are a wonderful father,
Take Care......Hope