I hate to keep running to you guys every time I have a problem. I really don't want to wear out my welcome here. You are all so fabulous. Please forgive me for this:

I have been having what I feel is the worst flare of my life over the past week. There are times when I can just barely make it out of bed and even then, sometimes Sue has to help me do that. I have always been a very independant person and the thought of having someone to help me even get out of bed is repulsive to me.
I know I have had flares in the past before I realized even what a "flare" was or before I know I had AS. But, it seems that since the onset of my iritis and the AS dx that things have speeded up. I still have good days but it seems the bad ones are worse and last longer. This latest one really has had me down in the dumps. When I first started on the MTX, it seemed to be the "wonder drug" I had needed, but now it barely seems to have any effect. Of course, because of the liver function, I'm down to only 15mg and that is probably the reason.
Being that I've been out of work for a couple of months and now trying to get back into the work force, I've had a lot of time to think. I am scared to death that at some point in the not-so-distant future that I may not be able to be the provider to my family that I need/want to be. I know I gave up a very good paying career because of stress, but I know I can not get the kind of job that paid me what I made before. I know I'll have to take a job that pays me substantially less and the benefits will probably not be near as good as what we are used to. I am gravely afraid that I will eventually become a physical, emotional & physical burden to my family. That is what is really gnawing at me most of the time now. I know they will stand beside me and support me, but how can I not let it get the best of me?? Sue has been fantastic through all of my health & emotional issues, but how much can she stand as well??
Anyway, I guess I've rambled enough now. I thought that maybe if I got it off my chest I'd feel better and maybe even get a wink or two tonite. Bless you all for being there.

Glenn

What makes the hottentots so hot? What puts the ape in apricot? Whadda they got that I ain't got?....

"If God were small enough for your minds, He wouldn't be big enough for your needs."