And I'm sure there's still skin there where it hit.

So, my rheumy sent me to see Dr. Inman, one of Canada's top AS guys. I'm so blown away I can barely type to tell you all.

First off, he told me outright that he does not feel that ESR and CRP are at all useful in gauging disease activity in people with AS. Not in the slightest.

Secondly, he knows about KA and thinks this site is amazing and so are the people here.

Thirdly ... this is where my jaw left skin scrapings on the floor ... he's recommending me for Enbrel or Remicade, whichever I can get. He says that, based on our visit, AS has severely impacted my life, regardless of the fact that I can still do things. We have to apply to my benefits company first, which is dicey because these drugs still haven't been approved for AS in Canada and my benefits company is one of the tougher ones to get approval from.

If jumping through those hoops doesn't work, he has an application in for a clinical trial of low dose Remicade on patients with AS. He's waiting on approval from Health Canada and the ethics commitee at the hospital, but anticipates it would start within the month.

If that doesn't work, he will go to bat for me with the Government of Canada to get me compassionate approval to take a biologic. And he has every intention of winning it for me.

I cannot tell you how I feel at this moment. OK, I can. And I'm going to. I've been on the verge of tears since I left his office. I've spent the last three years feeling like I'm never going to get the drugs I need to stop this thing, feeling like since I am still capable of living my life in a semi normal way I'm

I don't know how to finish that. I've felt so alone with this. You guys are amazing and I love you all. My mom and Kerry ... I adore them and they've been rocks for me and I am so grateful to them for everything they've done but they have their own lives to live and I can't expect them to drop everything to come to my aid when I don't have the energy to look after my house or do the htings I love. I live alone and the last man I was with couldn't have cared less about the AS. So, I have dealt with this as I have pretty much everything else, desperately wanting, eneding, someone to help me and holding ourt no hope for it. No expectation of it. Just doig the best I can to cope with life, good and bad. And now I'm in the middle of my office weeping as I type because someone has said he believes me and he's going to pull for me and fight for me.

And I feel so silly, because I don't cry about this. Almost never. What's the point, right. It is what it is. So I keep going. I don't even swallow the tears, they don't make it past my gut so there's nothing to swall. and here I am crying like a baby because this doctor has in one 45 minute appointment validated everything. It's dumb.

Anyway, I still have work to do and I'm not going to get it done if I keep this up. Just wanted to tel lyou the news.

Hugs,

Kat

A life lived in fear is a life half lived.
"Strictly Ballroom"