Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion #1 AS Web Support Group I think I need help.

Hi Kat,

How wonderful of you to worry about me this week with what you're going through. I am wondering as well if I have what it takes to fight this.

I offer you support, love, compassion and understanding....those things I seem to need the most, and not necessarily in that order.

You are so kind to others.....try to be kind to yourself as well and give yourself a break.
Take care Kat,
Leona

consider yourself hugged!
Love like a teddy bear, with imperfect eyesight and arms open wide.

Hi Rickey! Thank you for my hug. It does help.

I wish I could just go back to bed some days - but methinks the boss would object. I've only missed about 7 hours of sick time because of the AS, mainly because I refuse to give in. I'm one of those horrible people who will keep going like a pitbull until I'm so exhausted I can't see straight anymore. One of these days I will most likely have to learn to give in more easily, but I'll probably fight that tooth and nail. In that respect, I may be my own worst enemy!

Hugs,
Kat

Kat

Kat,

Been there, done that stuffed the stupid T-Shirt down some idiot's throat.

Look at it this way. Everyone has a certain tolerance for all the BS in their life. When something happens, like some jerk cutting you off on the drive to work, it burns a little bit of your fuse. Your son tells you that he has an extra hockey practice 20 minutes before he's supposed to be there, you burn a little more. Someone makes a remarkably stupid and insulting comment ... you get the picture. Eventually you are out of fuse and then BOOM! You blow up at the next incident. Problem is that you are reacting to everything that happened, not just the most recent. Pity whoever is on the receiving end. Sometimes you bottle it all up until you get home and inflict it on your family.

When you are tired or in pain, your fuse is so much shorter. Takes much less to get you to the breaking point.

Some of the things I do when I am getting near the breaking point:


Vent to someone who undertsands. Tell your spouse or a discreet friend what a colossal idiot your co-worker is.

Avoid people. Sometimes I don't dare open my mouth for fear of what I will say. I ignore the phone and tuck myself away and read a book until I feel better.

Spoil yourself rotten. I do something I want to do and to heck with everyone else. Be selfish for a change.

Harness your rage. Some people deserve a blast. Let them have it. Be fair though.

Laugh it off. I have a little saying, "Let it wash over you." When something happens thats really irritating but cannot be changed, I say this. Its almost like a mantra. When I come home and tell Alanna how someone did something that thoroughly ticked me off Alanna will listen to me rant for a while and then interupt by saying "Oh Rick, just let it wash over you." We usually end up laughing.

If you don't feel up to it, tell people flat out that you don't want to deal with them or deal with certain topic at the present time. You can always bring it up later if its important.

Identify the sources of stress in your life and deal with them once and for all if possible. Does it irk you to no end when the kids leave their bikes all over the driveway? Is it a constant source of conflict? Get them to help you build a bike rack or maybe decide that its OK to leave the bikes around and you will never mention it again(see "laugh it off") or just rent a steam roller and crush them into dust. Whatever. Just remove the stress once and for all.

Some people bring you up and some people bring you down. Think about it. Its easy to identify what type people are. Surround yourself with those who have a positive 'can do' attidude as opposed to those who say "I can't" and are miserable all the time.




I'm not suggesting that I'm the most even-tempered guy. But I do know how hurtful my words can be when I let loose. I am the king of cutting. Just imagine how bad I would be if I didn't do any of this!

Maybe some of this stuff will work for you.

Rick

Steve, thank you very much for the Top Ten Ways to Vent. I've printed it off and it now hangs on the wall infront of my keyboard here at the office. Really, #9 could do it most of the time.

I haven't felt like laughing much the last few days, but this did put a smile on my face and I even almost laughed outloud (although the thought of crushing Barry made me cringe the slightest bit). You have helped remind my brain of the value of laughter.

Hugs,
Kat

Kat

Hi Val! Thank you for telling me about your hubbie. It's good to know that my misery is in good company.

It's hard for me to allow myself to rant about things other than politics and injustice, especially when those things are my problems. I don't like to burden people with them, which is silly when you think about it, because everyone here understands. I do know that, but I feel like you all have your own pain and problems to deal with so why should I add my problems to all of that. Before you say anything, I know, I know, that's part of what KickAS is all about. But I never said it was rational.

By the way, I would have ripped him a new one too if I'd been in your position.

Hugs,

Kat

Thanks, Maggie. I loved meeting you too.

I have to remember to come here for myself as much as to help the wonderful people I've met here. I'm glad that things are a little easier for you at home, tho. That, other than meeting you all, is one of the best things that came out of our TO party.

Hugs,

Kat

Hi Doug, I thought you might get it.

I think, as one of these lovely people pointed out, recognizing it is the first step towards doing something to stop it. Right now, all I need is to have it pointed out and I turn it around almost immediately. Hopefully, I'll get to the point where I can not let it happen at all - or at least remember item #9 from Steve's top ten list and put a smile on my face before all hell breaks loose.

Hugs,

Kat

Thanks Snowshoe. Yeah, I feel sorry for some of the salespeople (especially the telephone ones) who've crossed my path in the last little while. Eek!!

Hugs,

Kat

Hi Pam! You mean it's not!!

I think my mom holds herself back from talking to me about it, crying with and for me about it, because I was at a point last winter when I did tell her that I couldn't dwell on it or it would consume me. I might have to change that, but I don't want her to worry - even tho I know she will regardless. I think also that I don't want AS to be all that I am, all that we talk about, and so I don't talk about it at all sometimes.

Instead, what I think I need to do is accept it as part of my life - not all of my life, but definitely a part of it. Right now, I reject it. I do not accept that it is a part of my life for the rest of my life. I have, even with all the changes I've made in my life, been rejecting it. I resent the hell out of it - which means, in an odd sort of way, that I am resenting the hell out of a part of myself.

Back before my dx, even tho pain was pretty much a daily part of my life, I was able to tell myself that if I could relax, let go of my stress, the pain would go away. Now, I know that the pain will be there whenever it wants and I have no choice in this. I don't take well at all to being without a choice in something, but I have a feeling that in this case surrender is what I have to do. I don't mean surrender as in give up, but surrender as in accept it as a part of my life in which I have no real choice. argh.

You've already done the best thing you can for me - all of you have. You've let me know that my reaction isn't because I'm a horrible person, but instead, it's normal and there are people in my life now who understand.

Hugs,

Kat

Steve, that list is sooooooo funny, I especially love no. 7

Definately one to print out!!!!

Take care,

Jan