Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion #1 AS Web Support Group husband is losing job

karen the lioness

roar...this sucks big time

hope thing work out for you, sounds so unfair.

what subject does he teach ?

all my best
good luck

GROWLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!

How was that?

Yes, it sucks big time.

He teaches physics.

Karen

Hi Karen,

Let me start by saying I am so sorry to hear about this terrible news regarding your husband's job. It just tears me up to see so many good people here at KA getting caught by this horrible economy and seeing their lives plunged into uncertainty as a result. Losing a job is bad news for anyone these days, but we all know that it is an even bigger crisis for KA members.

I'm not going to say too much more because you've received so many responses here that I'm sure you've already received some very good advice. The only thing I want to add is this: As I read your post, the one thing that kept popping into my head is that maybe it's time for your husband to at least think about changing careers. I say this for two reasons: 1) It's clear that your job is absolutely perfect for you and, as you mentioned, high-paying to boot. That's such a rare combination these days, it would be a huge shame if you had to give it up. 2) If moving is that hard on the two of you and on your kids, it does seem like this one would be even tougher than any of your past moves because you've really come to like the place you live now (not to mention the "your job" aspect of this situation). If the last one was as severe as you say (and I'm sure it was), are you sure your family can really handle making another move? This might honestly be a case where moving for what seems like the greater good--so your husband can resume his teaching career--might actually prove to be devestating to your family. I'm sorry if this is coming off as very harsh, as that's certainly not what I'm aiming for, but I am trying to look at the entire situation as objectively as possible (and, I guess, playing devil's advocate as well).

Thus, after considering those two important things, is there any chance at all that your husband could possibly change careers? After being at his present university for 8 years, how long would it take him to get tenure at a new university once he was hired? Is tenure still a realistic goal if it would take quite a few years at the new school? I know you say he loves his current job, but maybe this is the time to for your husband to ask himself, "If I could do any job now, what would my dream job be?" If the answer to that question is, "My teaching IS my dream career," then it's clear that yes, he does need to keep doing that and a move is likely the best option. However, if he decides that he has always wanted to do something else but the timing has never seemed right, maybe it is now. A very good friend of mine who was the store manager of a large bookstore (one of the national chains) was downsized a year and a half ago, which touched off a rather hellish 18 months. He briefly found work at a large national hardware chain, but the store was horribly mismanaged and he was only there for three months. He was unemployed for a year after that (when he left the hardware store, he was six months out from the bookstore job) until finally, just a week ago, he got a job as a security guard. It pays only $10 an hour, compared to the $90,000 a year he once made, and he knows that it is a temporary solution at best. With retail jobs so hard to find, he did a lot of soul-searching and decided that to ensure his job safety in the future and to find a career that would allow him to make enough money to support his family (he and his fiancee have one child), he would have to give up retail, which he enjoyed and was good at, and look for something more stable. As a result, he has decided to go back to school while he works as a security guard and become a physical therapist. He could actually be hired as a PT assistant once he starts working toward his degree, and if he gets a 2-year associate's degree, he thinks that is enough to work as a full-fledge PT. He realizes this is a career path where the current demand is very high and only expected to get higher, it pays well, and he will pretty much be able to pick and choose where he wants to work. The moral of the story is pretty clear, I think: After hitting rock bottom when he was out of work for so long, he finally reached the point where he knew he had to make some big changes in his life if he wanted to regain the happiness he once had. In essense, after an extended period of getting smacked in the face by a bunch of lemons, he finally realized it was up to him to gather up those lemons and make lemonade. Now that he has made his decision, he is already more at peace than he has been since he lost his job, and he is very excited about starting his new career path.

I know, Karen, that this is just one man's story and represents some unique circumstances, but I think the message at its core is universal: Sometimes what looks like a huge negative can actually be hiding a positive, and sometimes being forced to reevaluate one's career can lead to life decisions that work out far better than one might expect. With tough times on the horizon for you and your husband, I hope with all my heart that the two of you can talk about what might work out best for your family and reach some conclusions that benefit everyone, including your husband, who has every right to feel devestated by this difficult development. Through it all, the most important thing is for the two of you to always share your feelings as things unfold in the coming months and ensure that the lines of communication remain wide open.

I wish you the best as you try to decide what path to follow, Katen, and I will be sending positive vibes your way every day. If there is anything I can do to help in any way (helping write or proofread a resume, etc.), please let me know.

All my best,

Brad

Brad,

You have made alot of excellent points..it is something to chew on.

Im sure just as you have, have seen many good people lose their jobs and then possibly their houses, cars and not being able to find a job making even 1/2 or 3/4 of what they were able to make.

As you know Bill has been looking to get closer to home and so far he found one that would pay about 60% of what he is making now. He has sent out hundreds of resumes, many interviews but when you find out what they are paying or it is contract work with no benefits then that is not an option.

And it is like a catch 22, oh you have too much experience so we don't want to hire you because if we do and train you then you might quit as soon as you find another job making more money OR you are not experienced enough we have like 100 people out there with a degree AND many years of experience.

What I think is horrible is Bill has been in the insurance business for 20 years. He has all of his accredidation and his liscence to sell home, life, car and property. He is wonderful at it but most insurance companies want to do contract work like you travel and you will make 50% commisions on what you sell or well we will start you out at $30.000 and then you have to work up from there.

He is also a great salesman. He has worked for Solaray sunglasses for almost 4 years now. He is getting ready to close a deal on a 300 chain store, supposedly huge commision but who knows, it depends on what they decide to put in their stores, sunglasses, cell phone accesories, novelty items ect...

He has been looking for other work for several reasons..the travel monday thru friday EVERY week for 46 weeks out of the year. The obvious one of not being able to be here with the family on a more permanent basis. He is missing seeing the kids growing up and with Ethan being 11 we feel like it is very importent that Dad needs to be here for him as well as the rest of us. He is starting to have some health problems and he just needs to be at home.

They are saying that things should turn around by 2012 but I dont think we can wait that long. It is almost like the 26 month period waiting for my approval for disability, how are people suppose to live until something comes along?

I know several of our Kickers here are struggling and that hurts too knowing we already have enough to deal with then you dump all the other worrisome things and that isn't good for your health. I try but I have always been a worrier.

I hope anyone who is struggling right now will be able to hang on and find something or some help.

I saw on CNN news they were saying that 1/2 million dollar houses were now going for $200,000 can you believe that, NOW would be the time to buy a house but most of us aren't in a position to.

Someone said something about you having a hard time or not feeling good, I hope you are feeling better.

Hugs,

Lisa

Karen I'm so sorry to hear about David's job. I also work for a college and it's a pain to hear about tenure problems. I know one co-worker whose huband played the game, was published many times in journals and hosted lots of dinners etc... and was denied tenure. Two faculty here come to mind as well. VERY loved by all students, were two of the best faculty to ever come trough the college and were both denied. I'm not sure what happened to one, but the other got a headhunter call from Georgetown, they loved what he was doing and he left right away to teach there. A nice step up!

But as Brad was saying getting tenure can be hard on a family, if you move it may happen all over again. Is it possible to adjunct locally while you keep your job? Can the kids go there with your job? I know where I work every employee's kids can come here tuition free as long as they get in. Maybe just take a year off after his next year and regroup and plan. Start saving his salary now to help out and see what happens. you never know, maybe something much better will come along. he could spend the time writing, or even go into research.

Try not to worry too much now, you have a year yet to worry. Try to enjoy what you have now, it may sound impossible, but stressing too much makes it that much harder. Rely on your support group/family and all of us here to help you through it.

I'm wishing you the best of luck. I know it'll all work out for your family.

Karen,
You are in my thoughts and prayers, several times a day I pray for you.

Oh Lon, thank you so much. I'm sitting here in my office with the door closed right now and I'm so angry my hands are shaking and I'm crying. I need to teach my class in 15 minutes. Your prayers will get me through.

Karen

Thanks Gardengirl. Academia is a world of its own.

Since my job is part-time, we are dependent on my husband's job for health insurance benefits so there is no way he could take a year off.

As far as the kids going with us, the 15 year old certainly will. My oldest will be 25 when we move and he has some mental health issues. He is in that gray area where he isn't fully disabled, but we worry about him. He probably won't want to come along; what 25 year old woud? But the thought of leaving him behind with no support system and no one to keep an eye on him really makes me anxious.

#2 child will be just graduating when we leave here in a year. I'm not worried about him at all. He is in a field with a high demand for employees and good salaries.

#3 will be halfway through college. Transferring is diffucult, but not impossible. She also has a very serious boyfriend who is here and whose family is here. She is going to have to make some tough choices.

Hanging in there,

Karen

Hi Brad,
What really bugs me is that it isn't the economy which made my husband lose his job; it's dirty and ugly politics. This university is doing quite well and will hire a replacement for him immediately.

Yes, we've thought about the not-moving thing, but it's not very simple. First, we are in a fairly small town with very few opportunities for well-educated employees. David could possibly teach high school, but it doesn't pay very well and we would lose the free tuition for our kids. We don't owe our younger two kids free college, but paying for it was something neither we nor they were able to prepare for.

On the day he found out about this, David looked at me and said tearfully, "Teaching is all I ever wanted to do." He's really good at it and loves it. He doesn't want anything else.

We have several months to look at options and consider what to do. There is a possibility I could get a full-time job, but quite frankly I really don't want to and David wouldn't be happy doing some part-time thing while I worked full-time. It's not what he wants. In any case, I'm also too well-educated for this small town; there aren't many positions here for people with an MS in Biophysics, though I could always do something I'm overqualified for. I also have an MA in Christian Spirituality. I do some freelance work with that, but could consider a full-time church position, though honestly the thought doesn't really excite me.

And I know we don't all get to do what we want or what excites us. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do and live with it. Still, it's tough to look at the fact that David and I are both very happy where we are and it's likely neither of us will be able to stay.

Absorbing those positive vibes,

Karen

Karen with child #3 with you both possibly out of work you'd get good aid for school. Maybe you can talk to the financial aid office about what to do with her. She may be able to stay on where she is. I wouldn't worry too much about her just yet. She may also be able to declare herself independent and not have to rely on your income for her so she can get more aid. Then maybe she can check in with her brother if he wants to stay. It's asking a whole lot from her, but they may be able to help each other out a bit maybe even share an apartment. (When my husband and I moved in together it saved his mom $400 a month in food and housing costs with him out of the dorms even with her paying us $400 a month to help with rent since he was only work-study)

As far as teaching being his love I understand. My husband went on to grad school to teach since he taught in the colleges continuing studies program and loved it. But he's told me he's nervous about doing it since it would mean we'd be moving a lot, and dealing with tenure is something he doesn't want to do. and most schools don't give benefits to adjuncts.

Has he thought of high school? That may be a more stable job. I know it's completely different type of teaching, something he may not want, but it's an option that may allow you to stay local too.

I don't like an office job, I'm too stiffled, but I love where I work. I work in the library and it's fun. Not my dream job by a long shot, but I'm even wondering about going back to school and maybe going for my MLS. But with my health I'm not too sure about it right now. But with college layoffs a couple months ago got me thinking, if I get laid off I'll go back to school and see where it takes me.


Take a bunch of deep breaths and try to think of it in a positive light. I know I sound crazy and I'm never one to take my own advice, but worry has never gotten me anywhere but a belly ache. Take some time to really think. I know you still have one kid at home, but this may be the time to start fresh again. Your husband could even go back to school for his PhD and expand his knowledge of something he really loves. You never know.