Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion #1 AS Web Support Group Anyone here in the dating scene?

this can be an issue

Yes,this deffinately could be an issue.
Steve

I haven't had too much luck myself. My energy levels have been so low the past few years and the pain interferes with dating activities (not just the bedroom kind). I've been focusing on just getting through each day of work as best I can. I also just found it frustrating meeting new people and trying to explain about A.S. and getting the pity looks or the look that said the guy thought I was weird etc. It's not easy, but don't give up. I think if you meet the "right" connection everything will just click and A.S. wont interfere. It is possible

Ruby

Hi Steve....I just wanted to wish you luck. I am certainly not the one to give advice as I have been single for 5 years now and I don't think I have been on a date...it's been that long. It does get lonely....I miss the closeness and even a hug once and a while would be nice.

Sherri

Steve,
I just started back into the dating scene about 6 months ago. Not an easy thing to do. The man that I am dating right now knows about my AS. I had to tell him after having a Remicade infusion. They have a hard time getting the IV started on me, so I came out of there with several bruises. He asked what happened so I told him the whole story. It didn't seem to scare him off, so I guess he's ok with it. I've also had a few other dates that I just didn't feel a connection so I didn't even think about telling them.
Good luck with the dating. I hope you find the love of your life. Someone who will be understanding and caring with your AS.

Debora

I was just thinking about how I would react if I were the beautiful young woman Just being told about her handsome new boyfriend having a disease that effects his spine causing him pain and stiffness where he has his good days and his bad days. I think that once I got over the initial shock I would tell him what a great guy he is and that I would like to have him as a friend but not a lover.

What a [**BLEEP**]! I can't believe she did this to me after all the things I did for her. She knows I was falling in love with her and I thought she loved me too. I guess I was wrong about her.
[**BLEEP**] this A/S and [**BLEEP**] her! I'm through with women!

Steve

Oh Steve

You make me laugh!

There will be a girl out there for you, us ladies love a fella with a sense of humour, so you are home and dry really.

She could be just around the next corner, try to keep your chin up or you might walk by and not see her.

You know, Steve, I am younger than you and I do not know how severe your AS has gotten. We do have good days and bad days, but I cannot classify myself as "handicapped." I don't think I will ever be able to do that. I mean, it can be rough. Just last week I could barely move around my house by myself, but it went away. It's not like I feel like that everyday.

As for dating, though, if you do consider yourself as someone who is "handicapped," than you might be approaching it wrong. I'm not handicapped. I just need a little extra help sometimes. That's all. Sometimes you will be "needy." We all have those days... even people without AS have those days. The girl for you is going to have to accept what you have as just a part of who you are. This may have to be a girl who is a little bit more patient and understanding than the rest, but she's out there. Keep your head up and you'll find her.

Carol, thanks for the reassurance but having a sense of humour is not always a good thing. My last date laughed so hard at my jokes she pissed herself...unfortunately we were having oral sex at the time.
Steve

letsee.. horror stories?

my ex husband knew about it after we got serious.. he was distant but knew it was an issue (if any of the old timers remember me talking about the flare of 1998.. ack.. ) took me to the hopsitial on a couple of occassions because of it.

bohunk after the ex thought it was a load of crap. I would be howling in pain and he would be less than sympathetic. On this occassion, I was upfront from the word go I had AS, tried to explain what it was, he never grasped it. (controlling prick .. pardon the language .. was the main reason for my disappearance from KA)

man I dated briefly after bohunk, was a friend for years prior, and knew I had AS, when we started dating he went out of his way to learn as much about it as possible. I admired that, however, his true nature (pathelogical liar and huge fidelity issues) surfaced shortly after and we parted ways.

current partner knows about it, though I am not sure who much, I again, as with everything am upfront about it, he's heard the tales of flares and iritis, hears me groan in pain from time to time in the mornings, knows the problems it causes with child birth etc.. etc.. etc.. but it's been in a state of remission for as long as we've been together..

good luck with it..

Jennifer