Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion #1 AS Web Support Group This disease changes you

Nah I can't be smart. When I got the handbook LIfe and What You Are Entitled Too just before being born, I rad the chapter on Very good looin' or very intelligent. CLearly I opted for very good lookin and have mamnagesd thus far without and inkling of wisdom.

Thank goodness for Bruno then, eh.

Warm hugs,

I used to be the eternal optimist, thinking that anything is possible if only one puts one's mind to it. i am much more of a realist these days. is that the chronic pain talking? or is it me just getting a bit older?

I'm not aging. I paid big bucks for one of them Merlin kinda arangements and once I hit 40 I started aging in reverse so I am somewhere about 33 going on 32 at present. I guess that answers the issue of me being a realisti or not too.

I used to be a pretty happy guy. My Lovely Wife liked to listen to me whistle songs while I worked around the house. She said she could always tell how I felt by my songs. That was when I was younger, and hadn't been beaten down by the AS monster, the CES monster, and the AGE monster. I can't remember the last time I felt good enough to actually work around the house, let alone whistle. I guess that's why I like to hang out in the jokes section. I'm no longer the happy guy I once knew.

dean, that sounds like my husband. he's usually whistling with mookie or singing a silly song. i can tell when he's in pain because the silly songs are the first thing to do. he rarely complains, so its these little clues that clue me in. sometimes all of this silliness would drive me a little crazy, now i just see it as a sign that he's happy. and when he's happy, i'm happy.

here's to whistling again

Jeanne,
Hi.
Tell Marty that all the wierd things he has thougth of and crazy things he has wondered, are quite normal for us AS gimps. Indeed I am changed, this stinking pain has been almost more than I could bear; it has been alsmot more than I was willing to put up with. At times it did not seem worth it to me. It affects me by making me want to be alone, and when I am alone, I shut out God, I tend to sin and I can be miserable. But when i lift my eyes to the thigns that are good, when i decide to express love rather than wait to be loved; I find fulfillment.
I have no idea who I would have been. But I know who I am now, and AS is just part of the man I will be. Marty is more than the pain he suffers. He can dig deep and find a strength to fight on.
I would enjoy exchanging ideas and expeince with him. There is a lot of helpful people here.

But for crying out loud, stay away from Bruno and from Burno's side kick! My goodnes those two are more trouble than mumble and jumbel. I think the guy in the suit is Stephan or Sven or something...
Ah, I love it here.
Lon
Jeanne, you need regualr fellowship with those who are haivng the same experience. Please stay in touch. Beware of Stipehn..

OMG Cindy this post made me cry.
This is so me. I was a national athlete in a couple of different sprots. I have always been the one you could count on to help yo with anything and everything and first to put my hand up if something needed to be done.
My kids are in nippers and for the past 5yrs I have been driving here there and everywhere, pitching tents and standing on the beach for hours on end. Yes I was in a lot of pain but who didnt have a bad back. Now I just cant do this the same as before and I feel my kids are missing out that little bit.

Yes I have to agree with you Cindy
Loosing my "identity" is a tough one.
Probably the hardest thing I have had to deal with on an emotional level.

A couple of sayings come to mind: The only constant in life is change. Life is what happens while you are making other plans.

Nobody plans to grow old with a chronic and painful illness. Nobody plans to get divorced after almost 25 years of marriage or get a cancer diagnosis, either. And these things change people. When I was first diagnosed with AS I was quite optimistic about the treatment protocols and really felt that this pesky pain and fatigue would soon be a thing of the past. I've decided that this is the year I will reinvent myself based on how I am now and go from there.

I am in awe of your responses.

Jeanne