Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion #1 AS Web Support Group Mom's Dying

Yeah Kevin, I thought it was great, I think that people know when it's their time...and I say that because my grandmother kept asking me if I could still see the light in her eyes....she'd say that once that was gone, one's time here on Earth was done....the weekend before she passed, my Mother was going over for dinner and my Grandmother called me two or three times to tell me that I should come over with Mom and make sure that she got there alright, which made very little sense to me at the time.....and a few days later she passed and then I knew why she had been so insistent that I come....

Yes I under stand that. I was with my mum just before she died and she was really suffering she had ostio and rheumatoid arthritis for over 40 years and was in loads of pain they were giving her loads of morphin to try and make her comfortable. And she said to me I dont want to live like this anymore Ive had enough. I told her to lay still and go to sleep and she would go and be at peace and she did go to sleep and passed that night. It was like she was asking my permission to die. And I hope that I made her feel it was ok to go.I think in some ways it made it easier for me. I was her baby (the youngest of 6).
Kevin

Michelle, I firmly believe that people know when it's time. During her last days, they were going to let my grandmother out of the hospital, but she insisted that they keep her in for an extra 3 or 4 days. Then she made my aunt go to the cottage with the kids so they wouldn't be around. She died a few days later (on Canada Day 1987 - if you knew my grandmother and her passion for our country, you'd appreciate how perfect that was).

My dad spent the 4 days prior to his final heart attack searching for his organ donor card to make sure it was signed. Our last phone call ended with him telling me he loved me. Nothing odd about that, except that during my whole life I'd always been the first to say it. This time he said it first. I'd been battling strep throat for three weeks at that point (he was very worried about me) and this call took place on my first day back at work. Two days after that he found out that he was going to lose his foot (and as such, his autonomy and independence) to diabetes related gangrene. The next day he had a heart attack. He survived so many heart attacks during my life, had had a pacemaker since I was about 9 years old, we thought we'd lost him after a few of them when I was in my early 20s. This one, when I was 28, I believe he chose not to survive. I have always believed that he chose that moment because at the age of 75, he'd lived his life the way he wanted to and was not about to lose the ability to do that. It would have been heart-breaking for him.

So, Michelle, I know within myself that while we may not always choose the when, some part of us knows it's coming and prepares in the days prior. As if a special conduit opens between our souls and the universe/divine during those days.

Love and hugs,

My sincere condolences to you Michelle.
My mother died this summer in July after a long battle with Alzheimers. Till the end she was so beautiful and sweet.
I know how you feel when you say your mother was your best friend, how you would choose her again as a mother. That's how I feel too.
I am grateful that my mother is no longer suffering, but will I miss her terribly. She was 90 years young.
In our case, my mom was the last one to leave in her generation. So she passed the baton to us. I hear her words in my head daily.
I try to focus on the beauty that her life shed on our family and friends. Your mother sounds like she extended a lot of love and she was so lucky to have received it.
It is surreal, this dealth thing. Come 1:00 in the afternoon, I still feel that I have to visit her in the nursing home. I knew the end was coming, but I relished every moment with her as you did.
It has made me look at my own life. Stopped worrying about the little things. Telling my husband and children I love them more. And trying to figure out what is really important to make my own life more productive.
The sweet memories are starting to creep in as the pain is subsiding.
My best to you.

Laurie

Oh Kevin, such sweet sorrow... your Mum sounds just wonderful and I'm sure it was quite a blow when you lost her...

oh Kat...what a wonderful story...I love the part of your grandmother choosing to leave on a day that meant so much to her....and I understand your Father's decision to leave on his own terms too....often men don't want to be seen as vulnerable and want to leave with their dignity in tact....thanks so much for sharing and I really like the Corn Maiden....

Laurie...I'm sorry for your loss but I love the way that you see the beauty that your Mother spread amongst the family, it sounds like she was a wonderful Matriarch....and she's taught you all that you need to know to carry on her legacy and then entrusted the baton to you.....this has helped me a lot, thank you so much for sharing it....

Yah, I'm not sure if you'll know who this is, but Pierre Trudeau was our Prime Minister for many years and my grandmother adored him. Really, it was like a teeny-bopper over the Beatles in the 60s! We've always said that the only thing that would have made it more perfect for her was if Pierre Trudeau was holding her hand when she died.

It's been over 22 years since she died, but I still remember the last time I saw her (the day before) and what she said to me. She was the matriarch of our family, which honour passed to my mother as next in line.

Love and hugs,

Yes, I actually am familiar with Pierre Trudeau and admired him greatly....he always seemed to be such a gentleman and the love he had for his country was obvious....

He was pretty amazing in many ways; although, our great country is divided on that point. Definitely a gentleman, a patriot, and passionate about Canada.


Love and hugs,