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Dow #330876 03/14/09 10:22 PM
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 5,231
WendyR Offline OP
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Didn't say I had the answer!


Wendy

Rheumatoid Arthritis
Methotrexate, Celebrex, Plaquenil
Dow #330877 03/14/09 10:22 PM
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 3,233
Dow Offline
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Imperial_AS_Kicker
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2 times zero=that is definitely more than Less Than Zero, which was a pretty good book, but not as good Catcher in The Rye, so is the answer it will be colder than J.D. Salinger?


Dow
Dow #330878 03/14/09 10:26 PM
Joined: Mar 2008
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Dow Offline
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Imperial_AS_Kicker
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Now watching the Obama video again, great but could use more of a beat


Dow
Dow #330879 03/14/09 10:28 PM
Joined: Dec 2008
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WendyR Offline OP
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I agree but I love that video. Where's everyone else? Have they gone to top up their drinks?


Wendy

Rheumatoid Arthritis
Methotrexate, Celebrex, Plaquenil
WendyR #330880 03/14/09 10:29 PM
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Okay - time for some more humour. A longer joke this time and apologies to anyone who knows it already:

Bill Gates dies He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter.

"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before in your case: I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."

Bill replied, "What's the difference between the two?"

St. Peter said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision."

"Fine, but where should I go first?"

"I'll leave that up to you."

"Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first."

So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining, the temperature perfect. He was very pleased.

"This is great!" he told St. Peter. "If this is hell, I REALLY want to see heaven!"

"Fine," said St. Peter, and off they went.

Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was very nice, but not as enticing as Hell.

Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision. "Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told St. Peter.

"Fine," retorted St. Peter, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall in a dark cave, screaming amongst hot flames, being burned and tortured by demons.

"How's everything going?" he asked Bill.

Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beautiful beaches, the scantily-clad women playing in the water?"

"That was a demo," replied St. Peter.


Wendy

Rheumatoid Arthritis
Methotrexate, Celebrex, Plaquenil
Dow #330881 03/14/09 10:31 PM
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 43
M
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This goes out to the other teachers in the group...
HOW PROFESSORS GRADE THEIR EXAMS

DEPT OF STATISTICS:
All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.

DEPT OF PSYCHOLOGY:
Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.

DEPT OF HISTORY:
All students get the same grade they got last year.

DEPT OF RELIGION:
Grade is determined by God.

DEPT OF PHILOSOPHY:
What is a grade?

LAW SCHOOL:
Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.

DEPT OF MATHEMATICS:
Grades are variable.

DEPT OF LOGIC:
If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.

DEPT OF COMPUTER SCIENCE:
Random number generator determines grade.

MUSIC DEPARTMENT:
Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively).

DEPT OF PHYSICAL EDUCATION:
Everybody gets an A.

WendyR #330882 03/14/09 10:34 PM
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Yes, you are right, no one can improve on that video, maybe that's why I can't find a remix! But I did find this one where somebody added Lou Reed to the mix:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfu_icbaQQA


Dow
WendyR #330883 03/14/09 10:36 PM
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I love any joke or story where Bill Gates ends up with pie in his face


Dow
marshamm #330884 03/14/09 10:36 PM
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 5,231
WendyR Offline OP
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When you have sons, you get to find out things like...

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape.
It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36- year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR 's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16..) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin ! , TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid


Wendy

Rheumatoid Arthritis
Methotrexate, Celebrex, Plaquenil
Dow #330885 03/14/09 10:36 PM
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 3,233
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Imperial_AS_Kicker
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Just heard he is now the richest man again, since Warren Buffet took a tumble


Dow
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