I was just reading some posts discussing the D-word...depression. I wanted to share something that I have found very helpful. I cycle in and out of depression approximately 4 times per year and each episode doesn't last that long. Perhaps due to the frequency of episodes I am starting to recognize when I am falling into that dark place. I am starting to be able to sort of step back and look at myself and my surroundings. (sort of an out of body experience, only not as cool) and I say things out loud to myself like, "Ok, you're crying and there really isn't anything all that wrong, you're avoiding phone calls, visitors and going out with the family (things I usually love)...It's official, you're depressed."
And then the most important thing I do is that I go and tell another adult, usually my husband. I specifically say that I am depressed, I don't want anything special from him, (okay, maybe a hug) and I just need him to know that "I know" and that it's not a big deal, it will pass.
For me, this openess about it minimalizes the impact. I would so much rather lay it all out on the table like that than hold it in and have my hubby feel like he has to walk on eggshells around "the crazy lady."
I also notice that when I acknowledge to myself what is going on, the depression fades faster.
Hopefully any of this made sense.
Love you all and thanks for being here with me as we struggle and learn to live with, and sometimes inspite of, this disease.
-Donette
Good for you. I've worked hard to be open about my depression too, including at work where I want to normalize it and remove the shame people with mental illness suffer from.
I'm currently doing well, and have done for a few years, but I've been on anti-depressants for about six years now and don't believe that now is the time to try to come off them. Think I'll wait until I have my pain levels more under control. I'm a great believer in treating mental health in the same way we treat physical health.
Hey D...
Yeah its a doozey that one.... but glad to hear you look at it objectively, and rationally. Step back, clock it and know that it'll pass. Just don't tell the doc too much or they'll throw an SSRI script at you... (and ya know how i feel about those things).. I did some Cog behavioural stuff which is really helpful/the best for depr. anx. and life in general.... my favourite 'tool' is to take the mickey out of my negative self... when i start goin hoooo hummmm booo hooo.. just say to myself eg...'oh really? shut up.. get over it you doofus!...' it takes a bit of practice but gets habitual....otherthing that is awesome is a big walk or swim... when thee old bones permit that is.... 4 times a year sounds quite like seasonal changes are getting to you maybe ?..... anyways chin up D... goodvibes to ya....
Rob (((0)))
I think Rob is spot on in that anything you can
effectively do (cog behavior therapy, etc.) to avoid additional meds is the way to go. I also read this article recently which I found quite interesting.
The placebo problem Big Pharma's desperate to solve
Hi,
Depression is quite common to AS patients. I am also finding difficult to completely overcome that. Whenever I feel better, I do not find that effect.
Regards
Jay
Hey Wendy, good point. They say if you're depressed then pain hurts worse, so I agree with you that when your pain is high would be a bad time to go off anti-depressants.
I've tried several over the years, the most recent was wellbutrin, this one worked really good for me and was easy to stop taking. They are all so different though, and I really think quitting them should be closely monitored by a doc.
Thanks for your words.
Hey Rob,
I agree totally about the swim or walk, fresh air is soooo good for my mind. Seasonal depression, I haven't ever thought of it that way, but that just might be right. I'll have to start paying closer attention to when it strikes. I have always thought it was a raging case of PMS! Just what you wanted to hear, right?? Ha ha. Take Care, and thanks for the good vibes.
-D
Hi Donette,
Wellbutrin is one of mine. I take two - I started with celexa but had to take quite high doses before it was effective. I had been severely depressed for a long time before that - at least two years - and the psychiatrist felt that my serotonin levels were very depleted, hence the need for such high doses of celexa before I started to improve. The trouble was, at that level, celexa made me dozey, so we added in wellbutrin and lowered the dose of celexa. The combo of the two was and is excellent. Now I'm on incredibly low doses of both for ongoing maintenance, although if I can stabilize my RA I will try coming off them again.
Jaybird,
That article on placebo effect blows my mind!! That is so awesome. Who knew the power of our own brain!!
Hi Jay,
That makes sense to me, especially when coming off a bad flare, it stands to reason we would feel better all over, even mentally. Thanks for your input.
Wendy I'm really glad you found a mix that works for you. The first one I tried was zoloft and they started me very low and I would quickly build an immunity and need higher doses until I was maxed out at 200mg/day and stayed there for a year and a half. My sister took 25mg/day and couldn't believe I was up that high. She always said if she took 200mg she would lay on the couch and drool all day. lol. I was just barely feeling calm with 200!!!
You know even at 200mg the zoloft didn't really feel like it did much for me and so after the year and a half they switched me to another one (name????) which didn't do anything except..... make ......it.....so.....I....didn't....feel...
anything....during............................sex. Ok, there, I said it!
So anyway then it was switched to wellbutrin which doesn't have that bad side effect. (whew!!) I quit taking it about a year ago and even though I have wanted to take some this past couple of months I couldn't with the LDN. From my understanding if you take a mood modifier or pain killer with LDN it makes you feel like a crack-head who just ran out of blow.
Doesn't sound like fun to me!!
I'll have to check out some of those links.
Thanks!
-D
hi guys. i am really glad someone posted this about the depression. i have it very bad also, i think it goes hand in hand with chronic pain. My problem is thati have been on most of the ssri's out there for the past 15 years or so and so far only one kinda works for me, prozac. i feel the least amount of side effects with this one, and you know the old saying what works best, is what works!!!
i ma in a bad bout with the depression right now. and i live in a sunny fl!! but it is too hot here, i feel i can not enjoy going outside for a walk, maybe in another couple of months when it cools down some.
my particular problem is making and keeping friends.
it is very hard for me to committ to social events owed to my pain levels which are not being controlled so people have forgetton about me and are tired of asking me to attend events and hearing me say maybe maybe not. then i usually end up not going anyway.
my son moved away to another country and is living his own life, bullly for him but sad for me, my husband divoced me a couple of years ago and still not over it and dont feel like meeting new men.
so besides not feeling good, i get no help. ok poor me right? well sorry not a happy camper here. even with these ssri help.
ya see, you take one pill for depression then they give you a pain med which undoes the AD.
it is screwy and very hard!!!! ok i am done ranting. at least i am not out on the street like some people who have it worse. i keep telling myself that in hopes to quantify how much worse it really could be for me.
I take tramadol for pain and the SSRI's don't mix....(seratonin syndrome)I need the pain medication for the fibromyalgia but I wish i could take an antidepressant at times....because I do suffer from depression....especially in the winters.
Does anyone take an antidepressant that helps with the pain too?
I just read articles about undiagnosed adult ADD(or ADHD) and
depression and even fibromyalgia.....
http://www.addadhdblog.com/adult-add-comorbid-depression-and-anxiety/http://addfibro.com/Maybe ritlain is the answer???lol
Donette,
did zoloft cause weight gain for you?
Hi Linlan, welcome! I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for years. And I have tried various ssris in the past, none that helped. It never occurred to me I was ADD (for I have always been fabulous ). One day I was chatting with my son's psychiatrist (he is ADD and anxious...not depressive) and I told her how much I knew what he was feeling on the inside. She told me that being ADD can be very taxing and definitely lead to depression. Not so much because you're bummed you are scatter brained but because of the way you end up talking to yourself your whole life .
I am currently on Vyvanse. Love it. omg. I actually get stuff done again. I don't like being wired, don't like too much caffeine, so the benefit here is it comes in many doses, so start at 20 and you could go to 70 mg. I'm on 20 (although I was on 40 for a year) and my son takes 50 a day. If you're interested in more details, pm me. I still have bouts with it, it comes and goes. The trick is to have it come less often, for shorter periods of time, and with less severity. good luck!
CC
Hi badbackytoo,
I'm so sorry. Me too. It goes with all this I think. (I'm working on a post about inflammation, depression, and pain... give me a few). I grew up in south Florida. Loved it. But the Fall was depressing for me. I guess it felt the most season-less. And having lived all over I can tell you somehow the weather is closer in Florida, like the sky feels only 50 feet up... especially when it rains.
I'm with you on the friend thing. I feel more like a scrooge than you sound, sometimes it just seems like too much work... but that's the depression talking. If I were able to be rational about it... well ... I wouldn't be depressed. You can't just snap out of it. Go Slow. I find 'friends of circumstance' to be my speed. Like when I was in school. I take a class on Wednesdays, and I go to yoga on and off (I look for classes with old ladies, not hardbodies) and love the friends there... but I only go out for drinks with them like once a year. It's a blast, but I don't want more. Maybe a health club that's casual? A library? Book club?
US ? OK, you already have us.
Divorce knocks you on your butt, it's normal to take a long time to get back on your feet. You will. One way or the other, 5 years from now you'll have a whole new life. Could be great.
Take care of yourself, at whatever pace,
CC
Donette,
You are doing a very good thing by looking at yourself like an outsider to see what is going on. It is only some people who can do that. Mostly we are so involved in our own struggles that we can't distance ourselves from it. The moment I can distance myself, even with my own thoughts, I can immediately see where I have negative thoughts and how they negatively impact on me. And then I can choose to think differently.
One thing I need to mention is that we have to remember that if we don't make things happen, life will just throw experiences at us, whether we want it or not. We can decide if we want to live like a hermit or do we want to be friendly and be a friend. We "should" not see ourselves as victims - in each and every situation we have a choice in how we want to respond or not. Even with this pain, we can decide to see the more positive side, which is not very easy to do, but possible.
Donette, this "sermon" was not meant for you specifically...
I like your attitude and way of doing things. Keep it up!
Take care
And never underestimate the power of eating well to help combat depression. Its hard because when youre depressed you dont want to eat, but when you have no food in your system it makes everything (mental and physical) just that much harder to handle, and exascerbates the problem.
I agree completely, fishstique
Thanks Donnete for posting on this... and everyone elses contributions. It has been giving me food for thought, especially this past week.
I can be quite hard on myself, especially about the things I could have or should have done, and also tend to be negative and pessimistic about the world. Add in not getting enough sleep, not talking to nearest and dearest about the things that are worrying me, tendency to be disorganised and last minute rushes and it can be a recipe for a melt down.
I'll post on this again later, but in the meantime thanks for the wake up call.
Donnete and CC - fantastic info and insight from both of you and everyone else who weighed in. This is of huge value to chronic pain sufferers. You guys rock!
I hope more folks will read this and take away something from these heartfelt discussions- I know I did.
Anna
Hi,
Generally I agree. But I tend to try and feed my self to get energy. My whole fmaily has trouble with depression. And we are all very ah, lets say ample...
Does it make sense that some depression craves to be fed?
Then again, maybe I am tlaking more about being meloncholy....
Hey thanks Ciara...
you can come back down here to visit and stay with me anytime, if you are not already down here, it is Oct and still 90 outside. Enough already with the heat! ok, last year it was hot but by Oct/Nov it SHOULD begin to cool down to at least the lower 80's shouldnt it? Yikes, my AC power bill went up, the winter is usually when i get a break from the high FPL bills!
it would be nice for 3-4 months if my bill could go down to under 100 bucks a month for 3-4 months and not have to hear the AC running day and night 24/7.
YAH!!! i found a new friend! ITS YOU!!!
I would love to be your friend online at least!
oh well. at least we have that, if this was the 1980's i wouldnt have that~ now that is progress for ya!
well i came back from the doctors office on the 1st, and looking at my xrays told me my neck at C3-4-5 are fusing all by themselves and C6-7 fusing together by themselves.
the joints called Luschka's joints ( i think i spelled that right not sure) have taken it upon themselves to do this with out my knowledge or consent, how do you like them apples?
i dont.
oh well, another brick in the wall. another day another less dollar.
Well Ciara, FLORIDA is calling your name, to come on down! i need some friends!!!! but those with some patience.
You are right about library and gym, gulp
the thought of that one has me worried. But i did loose some weight all by myself, of course all myself, who else could do it for me? since april this year i took off some 40 pounds, was 188 shhhh dont tell anyone, now 148!! TA DA!!
feel some better, need to loose about 15 more.
here is what i am eating girlfriend.....
odwella bars, atkins protein bars, apples, kashi go lean cereal, and more protein bars! they are good, i cut out all meat, fish, most dairy, eggs, cut down my diet to a bare min. i want to see if it makes any difference in how i feel. it has helped. guess cant do anymore junk food.
doctor was proud of me girlfriend!
Well started cleaning out my rooms and found some stuff to sell on ebay! hope i make a few extra bucks!
well BGFF
gtg
write back!
love me
Ha! 90! forget that... Hi badbackytoo, I'm pleased to say we just got our first cold front... 60! It is to die for!
I'm glad you seem to feel a little better. And 40 lbs! good on ya, I'd coast on that a while.
I'd search anything fishstique has posted on diet, she eats great stuff, I have learned from her.
Donette; you mean you're out of blow???
CC,
, Ha ha, I am a crackhead but for different reasons!!
Oh Kevin, I hear ya about pretending you're normal for a minute. Sometimes I pretend like I'm a real live dragon slayer laying the AS monster low!
ha ha, just kidding, but even thinking about it makes me feel better.
Take Care,
Donette
Thanks for all the info,
I can relate and personally retreat when it get too bad.
Thanks so much for this advice Donette. My partner has been suffering AS for over 9 years now & has been in & out of depression for most of this time. I am finally researching all I can about AS, Meds, & have found him (hopefully) a Doc (finally) that might be able to help him more. I'm going to print your msg out & at some point let him read it - I think this might help him open up a little more when going through these episodes.
Take care & best wishes
Julz
Julz,
I think that is awesome that you are able to support him through all of this. It really sounds like you are making progress. Good luck.
-Donette
Hi Ciara,
sorry I didnt reply,I havent been on this site for awhile. I think my daughter is on vyvaanse...she has ADD and that is a new one she is trying. I have sleep apnea and a cpap... the fatigue is constant and probably comes from the fibromyalgia and the anemia(from AS) anyway my rheumy was able to prescribe nuvigil...I take it in the morning to get going...and later in the afternoon I take 3omg of cymbalta....(60 made me a zombie) I tried zoloft and yes...weight gain has been a problem.Its hard to exercise when one is so tired. I would love to get on an ADD med, but do not want to have to go thru all the visits to the shrink ect to get diagnosed. I do not like to go to doctors. My rheumy's ARNP is a female and she is the best....so very down to earth, easy to talk to...so that has helped.
Is the vyvanse still working for you???
OMG Donette...I just came across this and you described to a T what I feel like when I get depressed and lately, there are days when I cry...the weird thing is, I'm not a crier, never have been...not that I'm not compassionate or soft-hearted but I'm just not a crier...and Mike and the kids are totally freaked out by my crying...thank you so much for sharing this, now I don't feel totally bonkers...
You are so welcome Michelle. You have had one heck of a year, I think you deserve a meltdown or three!!
This is a year-old topic, but it still amazes me how many of us AS-ers have the depression junk. We really are an extended family.
I'm glad I have this place to come to so I feel semi-normal anyway!
Take Care,
Donette
Hello Hon
Read this post the other day and did not have chance to comment... just noticed your reply to Michelle and that the date of your original post is last year - so am VERY late in replying in fact!
Just wanted to say how completely insightful your thoughts on depression are, I am learning more and more to "listen" to my body in ways that I never have done before. It's amazing how much you learn about yourself when you tune in like this.
I am starting to be able to sort of step back and look at myself and my surroundings. (sort of an out of body experience, only not as cool) and I say things out loud to myself like, "Ok, you're crying and there really isn't anything all that wrong, you're avoiding phone calls, visitors and going out with the family (things I usually love)...It's official, you're depressed."
I call this having a word with myself! It works aswell, doesn't it?
Fantastic post, Donette which I am sure will help and inspire others.
"Minimizing the impact", as you put it is imperitive, as when you are left alone with problems buzzing around in your head - they tend to spiral out of control and blow out of all proportion.
Great advice, hon
It is wonderful to finally think that there are people out the like me. I think the weather is taking its toll on all of us. I also have depression too. I have tried effexcor(i can't spell), wellbutrin, lexapro, and now prozac. It seems to atleast take the edge off. The past week or so I just can't seem to shake it. On top of my AS, my doctor wants ultrasounds of my breats because they are full of cysts. All I can think is "don't I have enough?". There is so much more going on, this is just what I found out this week.
I feel like everyone around me, but my husband, sees me as a burden and someone who "needs help", even my kids. I do so much more than I should and that makes the pain worse, but when I am not doing anything I feel like I am not doing my part. I am thankful for everyone here who posts. Atleast we have each other, nobody else understands what we are dealing with.
And then the most important thing I do is that I go and tell another adult, usually my husband. I specifically say that I am depressed, I don't want anything special from him, (okay, maybe a hug) and I just need him to know that "I know" and that it's not a big deal, it will pass. For me, this openness about it minimalizes the impact.
This is so wise.
Mental illness is just an illness, like recurring malaria or arthritis flares.
It's not personal, and it attacks lots of people.
I feel blessed to have been raised by a schizophrenic father, because I knew from an early age that mental illness is a physical ailment.
Depression comes with low energy, mental confusion and fogginess, aches and pains, sadness and/or fear, and many times nothing "brings it on". It just happens, like the flu or a bad cold.
It's really important for people to know that when depression reaches the point of suicidal ideation (thinking up various ways to die), that's the time to go to the hospital.
Thanks for the topic.
FOR ALL OF YOU :
Firstly I may sound a bit religious, please pardon me for that.Let me tell you my story - I was depressed too, there are nights when I cried alone. There are moments when I felt my life is over, there are situation when I felt like I am so stupidly helpless as I cant move properly anymore! But one day, I met an elderly person, until then I have never believed in god or miracle etc etc. But he changed it, I met this gentleman in one of the "ASHRAM" i went to see in India. He spoke to me and gave me a MP3 Audio file and the English translation of the same. Its called SHIVA KAVACHAM (the shield of Siva). Hindu's believe that if you recite the same or listen to it then god will protect you.
From then on - my life has changed. I listen to it everyday and read the english translation and I am not depressed anymore. Cause I know - if HE has given me this problem , HE will also give me the power to fight it out. Its my believe and everyday I am improving.
I pray for all of you wonderful people out there. HE has given us this problem to test our limitations. Trust me, HE will also give you the power to fight it out. Like some of you will quit smoking, quit starch etc etc - you are becoming a stronger person day by day.
PLEASE dont be depressed, the world is beautiful and we all are united here, forgetting our religious belief, colour of skin, language difference , political view point. Here we are as HUMAN and the WORLD is UNITED!
Trust me that what HE want!
Please dont get depressed, we are all UNITED here determined to make the world a better place to live!
Arindam
PS : This is not my religious belief BUT my feelings.
Do you use any medications or supplements to treat your depression?
PS : This is not my religious belief BUT my feelings.
Faith ROCKS!
No I dont use any medication or supplement for depression.
I am really glad that you have found a help with your depression, I believe in God too BUT if you have true mental depression or mental illness just wishing it away wont work.
Sometimes your brain is missing a chemical and can not get back to normal without medication, I am so glad this worked for you but I dont want anyone fooled into thinking you can just wish depression away or just do it..that isnt the case at all with true depression.
Lisa
I agree Lisa
Your own personal faith is important and in times of trouble is something you cling to.
But depression can become a very serious issue if it is not dealt with quickly. The correct medication is crucial to this condition. It can make all the difference in terms of recovery.
It most certainly IS an illness and something to be taken very seriously.
Tink,
Thank you for that...I have suffered with depression for about 10 years now and it really chaps my hide when people say you can just get over it, just do it..ect..true depression, mental illness MOST times is because a certain chemical is missing or low in your brain and the only way to help it is to replace it.
Genetics is a factor also.
Depression and mental illness IS an illness and needs to be treated as such.
Hugs,
Lisa
Yes, I know what you mean, hon.
Sorry to hear that you suffer from depression.
Genetics certainly play a part too.
Our family definiately have a predisposition to depression and mental health issues.
Councelling and support have been an integral part of recovery, but medication has been imperitive, perhaps even life-saving.
Everybody knows what a powerful thing your mind is (when it is working properly) yet for some reason it seems to be harder to convince people what an equally powerful effect it can have on you when your brain is not funtioning properly.
Anyone with any real experience would not wish it on anyone - when your brain is "playing tricks" on you, so to speak, it can be the most frightening and dangerous thing in the world.
I think Donette's original post is so on the money.
Recognising you are getting depressed and telling someone about it is so important.
Hugs to you to, sweetie
