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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,970
ilbcrzn Offline OP
Captain_AS_Kicker
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Captain_AS_Kicker
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,970
Hi everyone

Well it was another family get together and I usually try to do the best I can. There are a few family members that I try to avoid because they seem to be oblivious and it is really hard to be around them. The first thing someone does is give me few friendly punches on the shoulder and asks how I am doing. I yelled out and said that really hurt. He then called me a wuss. He knows that I have AS and Fibro and I know I didn't overreact because the throbbing in my shoulder lasted for hours. My pain levels were up and the noise from everyone talking at once stressed me out so I thought I would go in the livingroom, find a comfortable chair and just chill out for awhile. After about ten minutes all the guys decided to come in the room and talk. I got up to get a drink of water and one of the guys sat down where I had been sitting. No problem...stood in the doorway for a few minutes, talked and then went in the sunroom and laid there, trying to join in the conversation from there, got up again and stood in the doorway, trying to stand in a way that wasn't painful. One of the girls who had walked in sat on the brick ledge, looked over and saw that I was not comfortable offered me a seat next to her, I said thanks but the brick is too hard for me to sit on. Everyone else in the room was oblivious.

When we were leaving, she came to me with the look in her eyes that says, yeah, I get it. All I said is I don't need people falling all over me, and I don't want or expect that but a little consideration would be nice every once in a while.

This doesn't happen all the time but it happens enough that I feel like I should reconsider going to family functions because of the pain and lack of adequate accommodations.

Maybe I need to be more assertive but that is not who I am or my style.

I thought I was over these kind of feelings but I guess things like this bother me every once in a while

Thanks for listening to me vent but I really felt like I had to get this off my chest.


Whew!!! I feel better already blush


I can not defeat you but I will not let you win

Jeff

Degenrative disc disease 2005
AS 2008 HLA-B27-
Fibromyalgia 2010
Disability 2012
Back to work part time 2013
Enbrel, Cymbalta,Oxycodone, blah blah blah blah
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 176
First_Degree_AS_Kicker
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First_Degree_AS_Kicker
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 176
Sending you hugs Jeff hugss

That has got to suck when family behave like that and sorry, but macho BS like calling you a wuss makes my blood boil! I bet they wouldn't last a day in your shoes!

I'm glad the one lady was empathetic. Hope the shoulder is feeling a bit better - I totally get that, had a lady I didn't know very well (but did know about my condition) smack me on the bum while telling a story about how her husband had accidentally smacked another lady on the bum in the shops thinking it was her - I saw her pull her hand back but didn't think for one second she would actually hit me - I hit the deck and couldn't stop the tears!!! In some ways it was a good thing, no-one in that group goes anywhere near me now!!

Take care

Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 225
M
Second_Degree_AS_Kicker
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Second_Degree_AS_Kicker
M
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 225
I feel for you Jeff, you need to be more assertive, even if it doesn't come naturally.
It is ironic how often we end up because called "wuss" or "softie", when we put up every day with levels of pain that would have most people in tears !!
I know for a fact I have a high pain threshold, but when I'm flaring up the gentlest touch can feel like a vicious punch...

Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,595
Gold_AS_Kicker
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Gold_AS_Kicker
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,595
4 U Jeff:

Sorry some of your relatives are insensitive jerks.....

Hopefully these are more *manly* than hugss.....







Louise

Happy to be a physio by day, not happy to be a Spondy 24/7! wink3
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 372
Fifth_Degree_AS_Kicker
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Fifth_Degree_AS_Kicker
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 372
Ignorance is Bliss and some folks are well into that mode.

Sorry to hear it was less than enjoyable for you. The good news is all in this group well know where you are coming from. A little compassion and understanding comes free but all too often there are those that step over using it. Hugs!

Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 21,346
Likes: 1
Very_Addicted_to_AS_Kickin
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Very_Addicted_to_AS_Kickin
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 21,346
Likes: 1
Sadly most people are clueless! and just can't relate!

Next family get together, take a cane and smack em' upside the head next time they get on your nerves or better yet, run them over with a personalized golf cart! (not that I'd have the nerve to do either, but it does feel good to fantasize about such things)

Sorry (some) of your family is so insensitive.



sue

Spondyloarthropathy, HLAB27 negative
Humira (still methylprednisone for flares, just not as often. Aleve if needed, rarely.)
LDN/zanaflex/flector patches over SI/ice
vits C, D. probiotics. hyaluronic acid. CoQ, Mg, Ca, K.
chiro
walk, bike
no dairy (casein sensitivity), limited eggs, limited yeast (bread)
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,334
Offline
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,334
I don't have siblings so I'm not the best to answer but those actions got me thinking.
Responses to the punches or similar actions:

1. "Even though you're as sensitive as a brick I hope you never get this disease."
2. "I hope you get this disease so then you'll understand."
3. "You know we're family, right? Some get this later in life. Wanna hear the stats on that?"
4. "Wuss? I brought with me 150 sharp needles so sit down for a few minutes (oh, and take off your shirt for a bit) and I'll explain in detail. Hey, where you going? Wuss."


Timo
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 372
Fifth_Degree_AS_Kicker
Offline
Fifth_Degree_AS_Kicker
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 372
Wooooo - I LIKE! lol

I saw something on the news last month where they had developed a way to transfer the level of pain of childbirth and had men going through it. They came out with a very different viewpoint.

I'm game to suggest it for AS!

Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 9,522
Likes: 3
Offline
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 9,522
Likes: 3
Hey Jeff,

Sorry to hear about the relatives... many have posted a similar vent at some point, so you are not alone.

When I was younger with AS was more of a problem when my much younger cousins (15-20 years younger) wanted to play some sports, get a piggyback ride. Most of the adults in my family are very understanding due to my fathers AS at the time... so he cleared the path for me.

Thanks

tim


AS may win some battles, but I will win the war.

KONK - Keep ON Kicking
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 6,925
Likes: 1
Addicted_to_AS_Kickin
Offline
Addicted_to_AS_Kickin
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 6,925
Likes: 1
((Jeff)) I am so sorry. I do understand. I did avoid family functions for a while. Now, my immediate family (children, grands, hubby) run interference for me. They will jump up and say "Here, Mom, let me get something comfortable for you to sit on." Life is so much easier since they "got it".

I hate it this happened to you. I know you don't want to miss your family getting together. Maybe you will have to be a little assertive to take care of yourself.

I wish there was a way to get a pie to you without it being all over the Post Office. :o)

Hugs, friend. I can remember thinking after a holiday. "Well, don't have to think about that again until Thanksgiving." etc.

Get rested today.




Possi
*********************************************************

RUN WHEN YOU CAN,
WALK IF YOU HAVE TO,
CRAWL IF YOU MUST,
JUST NEVER EVER GIVE UP!



"A FRIEND HEARS THE SONG IN YOUR HEART AND SINGS IT TO YOU WHEN YOU CAN'T REMEMBER THE WORDS."

"A FRIEND LOOKS THROUGH YOUR BROKEN FENCE TO ADMIRE YOUR FLOWERS."

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