Oh, Lon...don't go there...don't do the 'if only' to yourself. We make the best decisions we can, at the time we make them, with the information we have. I've done 'if only', 'why didn't I', etc, over past issues and all it does is leave me depressed. It changes ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about the problem.
You are right...you need to get that out of your mind. Hugs to you, Lon. I know you know all of these, but want to share with you.....
English Standard Version (©2001)
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Jeremiah 29:11 ESV
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
"He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, Out of the miry clay, And set my feet upon a rock, And established my steps." (Psalms 40:2, NKJV)
DX: psoriatic arthritis, osteoporosis, DDD, psoriasis
Meds: MTX since Oct 2009, 15mg/week--Started Humira March 2013
Epidural steroid injections x4; Lumbar radiofreq ablation
SIJ steroid injection and bilateral radiofreq ablation x4