Why must family hurt you?
My husband took a picture from my mother's photo album in 2000. A week after the visit to my mom's home, she called and accused me of theft and lying. I didn't even know what she was on about. I haven't been to see my family for 12 years now. 2011 when I was packing my husband's stuff up (because of separation) I found the picture, which I didn't know was in my home. Why did he take the picture and let me believe, these many years, that my mother was just being a caustic parent??? I now believe that my husband did this to control me, and keep me from my family. I have no family now because of my husband. I tried for years to tell my mother that I didn't have the picture. I finally gave up trying to make amends with my family. (Now that I found the picture, and in the process of sending it back, I am beating myself up, because my husband made me as guilty of taking the picture, even though I didn't know it was in my home.)

This last month I thought I could turn to my KickAS family, because they would not do anything to hurt me, now I don't know. I was accused of passing on hurtful messages (I don't know what I said or communicated negatively). Now I am afraid to say anything. I don't intentionally go out of my way to hurt anyone. I apologize for miss communicating my thoughts, in emails, or by phone, here on KickAS.

I dealing with a lot of depression, and I find I have no one to talk to, when I need my families. I am at a loss how to get back into the good graces with my family, and my KickAS family.

Hugs
Gerri & Makaylah

gerri,

i don't know what is going on, but PM me if you want to. i am here for you!

as for family, so very sorry, but if you wish to make amends, be the one to reach out. family relationships can get complicated, i know, but they are family.

Well, I don't know what's been happening behind the scenes here at KA Gerri...but you're not in my bad books by any means! I'm sorry if there has been some kind of misunderstanding with someone but please know that I'm sure it is not the view of anyone here that you intentionally go around huring KA people!

Please talk with a moderator via private message if there has been any bullying or suchlike so we can sort it out if necessary.

Hi Gerri,
I find you to be a sweet and warm person. I don't know anyone that does not like you, if someone has said something to you here at kickas, they may be the type that starts trouble with everyone, who knows. You are a nice person in my book and I appreciate you helping me with my adenomyosis diagnosis, it really did help me.

As for your family, I am sorry to hear that all that happened to you. I would make ammneds if I could and tell them what really happened. If you hold onto your pride and don't do it, you may have just that and only that , your pride. It may be scary to put yourself out there and talk to your family openly and honestly, but I think its the best thing, family is important.I hope it works out in your best interest. If you need anything, private message me, take care.
Sheri

Not sure about a different post that you refer to, but I have never seen you be ugly to anyone before.

As for the picture...send it back. Enclose a note saying you never knew you had it, but found it in some stuff of your now-ex-husband and wanted to return it. If your family wishes to believe you, fine. If they don't, you aren't really missing out on any family togetherness and love. If this is the reason you've had no contact with them, wait to see what they do. You've made a move and they can either believe you or not.

If they choose not to believe you, it's time to grieve that 'loss' and then move on. Yes, it will be hard, but you need to do it to make strides toward your independence. Big hugs on this...all growth is hard, but you can do it.

Gerri,
I consider you to be one of the nicest and one of the most helpful sisters there is. You have helped me so much. We are all too old and too sick to have any kind of bullying on here. God Bless you Gerri, I consider you part of my K.A. family here. You are a kind soul.

Families, the one's we don't get to pick can be so exhausting. You did nothing wrong, he did. Send it back with a note and let it go. I just got off of the phone from my best friend from middle school and she was lying on the floor of her garage just devastated by something her family just did to her. She certainly didn't deserve it. I'm praying for you Gerri.

Heigh Gerri - what is all this? You're a love. Always been a dear person. As for your family, sigh. Nowt so awkward as families can be! Agree with the others. Send the photo back with a note that it was as in the effects of your ex. Tell them you could not have possibly have known about it etc etc. However, are soooo very pleased to have located the photo, and are happy to send it back. (Pack it carefully between good solid card so it don't get damaged!)

Then, send it back and step on upwards and onwards.

(((HUGS))) to you Gerri and scritches to Makaylah - she'll be a big gal now. And you take care hon -

You must let go of the past. Do not worry about what your husband did and did not do.

Send back the picture with a note. Say you are sorry that it has caused so much distress, and explain how you found it.

The picture is only a symbol of much deeper issues. Surely, a simple picture cannot keep you away from your family.

Start a fresh and try to reach out to your family, ignoring small issues. If they respond, good. If they do not, at least you have tried your best.

I do not think anyone in this forum has anything against you. Of course, some people will give advice that may not be that appealing to you. That is not the same as them not caring for you.

Good luck

Thanks everyone for your lovely comments.

I am sending the picture back, with a letter stating where it was found. I am also making a pillow, with a copy of the picture in the centre. I have my doubts this will help - but it is all I can gather the strength to do.

I was always very independent - moved away from home when I was 18 - couldn't deal with a toxic parent (my mother). I always kept in contact over the years, then in 1997 my father passed away then ........ life changed. I only had my baby sister to talk to she also lived away from home as well, but now even she stopped talking to me and I haven't the foggiest ideal, why. I am thinking she couldn't handle the drama the craziness of last summer. My family seem to want simple, no complicated drama in their lives.

Life is so much simpler here, without my ex causing drama, which I have no means to change. He even - hopefully unintentionally sent a virus out (last summer) to my old email account. Other than changing my email account, which I did, this could have caused major damage to others on my mailing address (I sure hope this didn't happen to my friends & family).

Pea thank you for "We love Gerri too and she needs our prayers as well." I trying to work past the hurt caused. I just don't want anyone to think I would go out of my way to hurt anyone, or animal (heck I cried when my Cockatiel died from respiratory arrest (never able to get another bird)).

I have three friends very sick, and I am praying that each come home from the hospital with good health.... they just have to do well.

Hugs
Gerri & Makaylah

Geri,
You have already given the best reasons, you know that some people avoid AS'ers. Please remember that we are not perfect, just forgiven people. after we have done our best, we let god do the rest, after that...it is not my business what people think of me.
you should care, but do not make it your business. Keeping yourself healthy, and strong mentally requires a certain judgment that may be peculiar to us.
About a year ago, I received a verbal criticism, after being witnessed by 3 adults, pondering for a moment, I said, that "I would do and say the same thing. If you are hurt, forgive me, but other wise my best emotion goes to make a better tomorrow..."
Geri, you have too much good going on to let this derail you. come on girl, we like you just the way you are.