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Jan 16th, 2023
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,595
Gold_AS_Kicker
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Gold_AS_Kicker
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,595 |
 To you Pea, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going..." and the weaklings want out, I'd say... I think we live in an age of disposable everything and so that must apparently include marriages... <sigh> Just remember the best piece of wisdom that my (somewhat less-than-supportive!) husband (in perfect health) has thrown at me: "Chronic pain is NO EXCUSE to be in a bad mood." Yeah - he'd know for sure! Perhaps your husband is an expert like mine too???
Louise Happy to be a physio by day, not happy to be a Spondy 24/7! 
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 12,465
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 12,465 |
Oh I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I think it is wise of you to go and surround yourself with people who honestly care and can be supportive. You have already been through so much, you deserve understanding and kindness. Not this.
I think illness can be terrifying to spouses (as it can be to us!), but the coldness, lack of empathy, the grave insults and egocentric belief that he knows better than your Doctors,.. that is too much.
Hang in there Pea, being away will give you time to think things through with some objectivity that distance provides. Be very good to You!
(((Hugs)))
mig
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 8,397
Very_Addicted_to_AS_Kickin
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Very_Addicted_to_AS_Kickin
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 8,397 |
Pea, if you were in love and both made that much of a commitment. I encourage you to take care of yourself first, but if he is in a midlife change; please do not compromise your position with him.
unless you fear for safety - think about staying... It might take a year, but sometimes these guys come to their senses. I am not saying take what ever crap he gives you, I am saying, he may be worth forgiving.
I know it is not fair, but until you just can't manage, let him live with his own selfishness by being there.
Just a thought.
A forgiven husband often makes for a wonderful caregiver... if......
I keep the New Covenant,
when I fail....I am pulled
back into place by HIM.
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,501 Likes: 1
Supreme_AS_Kicker
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Supreme_AS_Kicker
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,501 Likes: 1 |
Hugs to you, Pea. Getting away for a few days may be good. Is hubby's sailboat a live-aboard? Maybe he could go there to live for a bit and gain a conscience? Glad he isn't talking divorce, but if the stalemate drags on, you may want to consider getting an attorney just to protect yourself. Like Lon says, he may come to his senses.... In any case....travel safely and know that we are behind you.
DX: Psoriatic Arthritis, Osteoporosis, Psoriasis
Meds: MTX since Oct 2009, 15mg/week. Cimzia-restarted after 2 yrs away.
Epidural Steroid Injections x8; Lumbar Radiofreq Ablation x2
SIJ Steroid Injection x3; Bilateral Radiofreq Ablation SIJ x9
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 8,397
Very_Addicted_to_AS_Kickin
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Very_Addicted_to_AS_Kickin
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 8,397 |
Pea,
rumble asked about the boat???
It is lonely thinking about such things...
but do what helps you and then you can see where he is at.
We care!!
I keep the New Covenant,
when I fail....I am pulled
back into place by HIM.
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 8,190
Very_Addicted_to_AS_Kickin
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Very_Addicted_to_AS_Kickin
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 8,190 |
Pea,
I just wanted to say I think it is a fantastic idea to get away AND if you can pick a password something really weird like popcorn (obviously) not that..lol this site should be a haven for YOU and you need to be able to come here for support without feeling like he could be imposing on you in here.
Please keep us updated!
Hugs!
Speak kindly, Live simply, Care deeply, Love generously, and BLAH, HA, HA, LOUDLY! every chance you get.
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Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 501
Veteran_AS_Kicker
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Veteran_AS_Kicker
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 501 |
Pea, I know what your going through, you likely read what I posted in the women section.
You need to get away - the stress your under from your husband and MIL, only adds to worsening of your health issues.
I thought I couldn't be on my own - I don't have family here to help me - but I reached out to my friends here - and other support groups in my community. At least the emotional, mental (onto me) and physical abuse (onto my medical alert service dog) has stopped.
Makaylah, I am doing alright on our own, and I believe you would do well on your own, as well.
Sending many hugs, love and lots of kisses (from Makaylah)
Gerri & Makaylah
KickAS member since 04/22/06
Psoriasis(72), AS(2006), PsA with Spondylitis(2011),Vitiligo (69), sleep apnea (2004), Bronchial Asthma, many allergies, anaphylaxis allergy to sulfites, diabetic, Vitamin D deficient - Celiac/fructose intolerance/malabsorption - many co-morbidities
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 28
Member
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Member
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 28 |
So sorry to hear this Pea, nobody has the right to tell you how bad your pain is. Personally I have had my (ex) best friend tell me that my issues are psychosematic as in its all in my mind. At least I have a powerfull mind I guess. Just know there are people here think about you and hoping things get better.
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 1,968
Captain_AS_Kicker
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OP
Captain_AS_Kicker
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 1,968 |
No he couldn't live on the boat. It is way to small and unheated. He has back stepped so much and doesn't want me to leave. Say's he is sorry that he started all of this and seen how much it has tore our families apart. Going to my mother's it seem's now might not be the option that I thought it would be either. For now until I can get through some of this depression, I a going to live in my bedroom because I get extremely stressed thinking about leaving and extremely stressed about staying. I can't make any good decisions like this.
Pea
Diagnosed with A.S. 29 year's ago.
Diagnosed with Fibro 10 year's ago.
Remicade, Intrathecal Pain Pump 2013
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,501 Likes: 1
Supreme_AS_Kicker
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Supreme_AS_Kicker
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,501 Likes: 1 |
If you can't make the decision, it's best to NOT make one and just take life as it comes for a bit. Glad that your hubby saw the error of his ways. Do you have a hobby you can immerse yourself in for a time to clear your mind?
DX: Psoriatic Arthritis, Osteoporosis, Psoriasis
Meds: MTX since Oct 2009, 15mg/week. Cimzia-restarted after 2 yrs away.
Epidural Steroid Injections x8; Lumbar Radiofreq Ablation x2
SIJ Steroid Injection x3; Bilateral Radiofreq Ablation SIJ x9
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