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Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 48
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Oh so sorry this is getting worse rather than better. have you sought out social security or any other kind of social services support? I worry that if he leaves you flat you will be unable to find appropriate housing and care, there are programs available for the disabled but finding the programs and getting all the paperwork process is a long hard process and not something to take on when a person is at their worst. I hate to say it but it's possible you might be able to get support from a woman's domestic violence center because verbal abuse and neglect are also serious concerns. They have social workers and often connections within the social services communities and may be able to help you. If you privately seek them out and explain that you are bedridden you may be able to ask them to come to you, they are good at coming up with excuses they do it all the time. Hugs

Joined: Oct 2012
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Pea,

I am relatively new to this site and was reading your thread. I noticed that you have not posted anything since October and I hope that you are okay. While I have not been in pain as long as you have, I can relate to not being able to handle it anymore and wanting to die. I have been there and know that feeling well. But there is one thing I hold onto and that's my kids. They are what keeps me going and prevent me from doing anything to hurt myself. I (you) have to fight through this as you don't want your kids living with the memory that you killed yourself.

We all know that this disease is terrible and that nobody understands what we go through unless they have it. My wife is a nurse and I really don't think she gets it even though she went through an episode of back pain that kept her flat on her back for three years. But it got better and for us, its not likely to get better.

So keep thinking about your kids (I think I read that you have them, I hope I'm right) and the smiles that they have on their faces. I know this may not be easy but I think you need to move away from that miserable weather and find someplace with lots of sunshine. I know that those two things help me get through the toughest times.

Hang in there!

Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 1,968
Pea Offline OP
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Thank's Jim,

My children are grown and I have two granddaughters that I am not allowed to see due to the blow up that started with my husband saying that I had Munchhausen. It was my daughter that started that rumor over 6 years ago unbeknownst to me. I confronted her with it and she has no contact with me now.

I would never take my life. Sometimes I want to spontaneously die due to pain or a panic attack but would never consider it.

Yes, I have not updated because sometimes it is a rollarcoaster and it wears on me but it is starting to become a lot better. I asked my husband to write me a letter of apology so I could start healing from all that he has done to me. He not only did that, he sent one to his parents, my mother, all three of my children, and the pastor and his wife. It was 5 pages long. It has really started a healing process with me. I didn't hear from my kids about it but did from my mother and he heard from his dad, and the pastor. All positive to him manning up.

My husband is going on another job interview this week down in California. I really need for him to get me out of this weather and he has made a lot of changes to insure me that he is really trying now.


Pea
Diagnosed with A.S. 29 year's ago.
Diagnosed with Fibro 10 year's ago.
Remicade, Intrathecal Pain Pump 2013
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 48
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I am so happy to read about the improvement in your relationship

Joined: Feb 2011
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Pea Offline OP
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I spoke to soon I guess. He pulled another one this last week!


Pea
Diagnosed with A.S. 29 year's ago.
Diagnosed with Fibro 10 year's ago.
Remicade, Intrathecal Pain Pump 2013
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 6,928
Likes: 3
Addicted_to_AS_Kickin
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Joined: Nov 2002
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Bless your heart. I have never known anyone to have the ups and downs that you do. I wish your life could get on an even keel. It would help tremendously to know what to expect from day to day.

Hugs.
Possi


[Linked Image]

Possi
*********************************************************

RUN WHEN YOU CAN,
WALK IF YOU HAVE TO,
CRAWL IF YOU MUST,
JUST NEVER EVER GIVE UP!



"A FRIEND HEARS THE SONG IN YOUR HEART AND SINGS IT TO YOU WHEN YOU CAN'T REMEMBER THE WORDS."

"A FRIEND LOOKS THROUGH YOUR BROKEN FENCE TO ADMIRE YOUR FLOWERS."

Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 176
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Pea, I know this thread is a few months old now and I am just slowly getting around the site and reading older posts but I wanted to say that my heart goes out to you and I hope and pray that with the pain pump, things start to turn around for you, for you as an individual and for you with your family. Hugs

Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 1,968
Pea Offline OP
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Thank's Supnut. A lot of my problems stem from my husband having Aspergers. He was just dx'd in December and it is a rollarcoater ride for sure. It just saps me time after time.


Pea
Diagnosed with A.S. 29 year's ago.
Diagnosed with Fibro 10 year's ago.
Remicade, Intrathecal Pain Pump 2013
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