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#460989 - 01/22/12 09:03 PM My husband is done taking care of me!
Pea Offline

Registered: 02/24/11
Posts: 1968
Loc: Pacific Northwest
He announced to me this morning that I had Manchausen's disease. He said he had been studying it and has decided that I have been to too many Dr.s and have tried too many medications. That I (might be sick) but I am mental to get attention. His mother is backing this up. These are the only two people that I see as I am isolated way out of town. He is tired of taking care of me is what it comes down too.

When my dad died recently my husband went off of his anti-depressant's and was quite defiant about it when everyone found out. Most of you have heard me tell this story. I made him leave when we got back from Kansas. He moved back in 3 week's. He has been devising a scheme to get back at me and now he think's he has it. I talked to my Psychiatrist who is also my treating physician in charge of my other Dr.s I just got off of the phone with her and she is flabbergasted and want's to speak to both of them tomorrow.

I am in shock but felt for awhile that he was conniving something up. My Dr. completely supports me and is furious. She wasn't surprised though as she has heard of this happening.

My heart hurts so bad and I am at a lost. I know I can come here for support so here I am. I hope and pray that nobody on here has had to go through this.
Diagnosed with A.S. 29 year's ago.
Diagnosed with Fibro 10 year's ago.
Remicade, Intrathecal Pain Pump 2013

#460992 - 01/22/12 10:28 PM Re: My husband is done taking care of me! [Re: Pea]
Sue22 Offline

Registered: 01/13/08
Posts: 21326
Loc: Upstate NY
so very sorry heart

we are here for you heart


Spondyloarthropathy, HLAB27 negative
Humira (still methylprednisone for flares, just not as often. Aleve if needed, rarely.)
LDN/zanaflex/flector patches over SI/ice
vits C, D. probiotics. hyaluronic acid. CoQ, Mg, Ca, K.
walk, bike
no dairy (casein sensitivity), limited eggs, limited yeast (bread)

#461010 - 01/23/12 10:15 AM Re: My husband is done taking care of me! [Re: Pea]
elmerfudd Offline

Registered: 09/11/11
Posts: 526
Loc: north central indiana
The first time I ever went to a doctor about my nerves, he gave me zanax, (it didn't help) but he did say" the number 1 reason I see people here with anxiety is due to family issues."
I have hope things will get resolved. Welcome him to this forum, so he can see for himself how serious this disease is.
with all his studying did he bother to become an expert on AS?
hold your ground............

#461037 - 01/23/12 12:56 PM Re: My husband is done taking care of me! [Re: Pea]
Lon Offline

Registered: 09/11/01
Posts: 8373
Loc: Gillette, Wyoming
ask your hubby to talk to one of the men posting here.

I sure hope that he reconsiders.

I keep the New Covenant,
when I fail....I am pulled
back into place by HIM.

#461039 - 01/23/12 01:06 PM Re: My husband is done taking care of me! [Re: Lon]
joannesas Offline

Registered: 11/15/11
Posts: 97
Loc: Cayuga, Ontario
Sorry Pea hugss

I hope your psychiatrist will help them understand and be more supportive. Good Luck!

#461068 - 01/24/12 12:20 AM Re: My husband is done taking care of me! [Re: Pea]
rumble Offline

Registered: 01/31/09
Posts: 4486
Loc: NE Oklahoma
Hugs, dear. I understand. My husband has moments when he lashes out and says I'm 'Munchausen-ing' myself. But your husband seems a little more malicious about it, by recruiting your MIL. I hope your doc can talk some sense into them. ((((Pea))))
DX: Psoriatic Arthritis, Osteoporosis, Psoriasis
Meds: MTX since Oct 2009, 15mg/week. Cimzia-restarted after 2 yrs away.
Epidural Steroid Injections x8; Lumbar Radiofreq Ablation x2
SIJ Steroid Injection x3; Bilateral Radiofreq Ablation SIJ x9

#461094 - 01/24/12 04:10 PM Re: My husband is done taking care of me! [Re: Pea]
manatee Offline

Registered: 01/29/06
Posts: 3011
Loc: Pennsylvania
Hi pea, I'm so sorry you are going through this. It is not uncommon in some relationships for the healthy one to lash out this way. Many times it is due to ignorance concerning AS, or any chronic illness, and sometimes it's just the partner wanting out of the relationship using the illness as an excuse. Has your husband ever accompanied you to your doc appointments? If not, there in lies a huge problem enabling him to ignore the situation.
This is a really tough situation to be in and there is a real need for professional intervention if you want to continue working towards a healthy relationship.

" That which does not kill me only makes me stronger"

#461103 - 01/24/12 05:48 PM Re: My husband is done taking care of me! [Re: Pea]
mig Offline

Registered: 04/27/02
Posts: 12458
Loc: ON, Canada
Oh my. That is a cruel thing for him to have said to you, Pea.. and an even worse situation for you, if he actually believes that. He owes you a serious apology.

I'm afraid that there are some people who are just unable to imagine (let alone comprehend) how grim AS can be, and that is okay or at least somewhat understandable. But then there are some who don't even try, which is sad. Did he think you were just 'making a fuss' in having iritis attacks!

Karma is apt to come and bite him in the butt!

I would let him know that he hurt you with his remarks and perhaps you could ask him to join you at your next remicade infusion appt. It might sink in more, without you having to say a word.

Keep posting in here with us - we get it. hugss

#461112 - 01/24/12 06:28 PM Re: My husband is done taking care of me! [Re: Pea]
Angelmom Offline

Registered: 11/12/03
Posts: 8190
Loc: Oklahoma..where the wind comes...

Im so sorry!

I know you have to feel helpless and I would too just wanted you to know that we are here for you!

Speak kindly, Live simply, Care deeply, Love generously, and BLAH, HA, HA, LOUDLY! every chance you get.

#461117 - 01/24/12 10:16 PM Re: My husband is done taking care of me! [Re: Pea]
Pea Offline

Registered: 02/24/11
Posts: 1968
Loc: Pacific Northwest
Oh my goodness my friends. I just checked back in to see what you all said. You are all so kind and so supportive. My heart is just breaking. I have spent day's packing and just trying to let it sink in. I'm crying just reading your responses. I live so isolated out in the country and with our recent snow, I have not been out or had any company.

He has been to my Dr.s appointments many,many times. He has not studied A.S. but has read articles that I gave him and talked to the Dr. about it. He understands. He is too intelligent for his own good and has a superiority complex. I have not invited him to this site although he know's that I am on it. I read some of the articles to him on here so he understands. I wanted this site for me to be able to vent and find information and find other's like me. He would just see it as me trying to back up my delusions.
He say's that he knows that I have powerful pain issues and am depressed because of things that he has done in our marriage as well as suffering 4 death's since August but he still think's I have Munchhausen's on top of it!! I gave him a devotional to read about other chronic pain suffer's having the same problems with their families and he is still being cold.

He just want's out. He sold my motorcycle and then thought he should sell his and the sailboat he just bought but he hasn't pursued it much. He want's his life back. All of my Dr.s told me that I need a warmer climate but he doesn't want to leave.
I just came out of a huge flare and we looked into getting a caretaker but he wanted everyone to believe that he could take care of his wife just fine. I think it terrified him as to how sick we can get. My mother-in-law was driving me to appt.s hoping one of the Dr.s would tell me that I was sick in the head. She was so sweet to me, I thought and then she told me this the other day! Betrayal doesn't even begin to explain how I feel. The rug has been pulled out from under me.

My husband say's he doesn't want a divorce but he is done with me???? He doesn't want to loose any money in a divorce and I need the insurance. I am going thru the disability process but that won't cover much.
My Dr. did call him last night and told him that they wouldn't be putting me on Remicade and MTX, Sulphasalazine and Prednisone if they didn't have proof. She also told him that he was very wrong in saying that I had Munchhausen and told him that his mother had called but she didn't want to talk to her or him anymore. She want's me away from him as soon as I can get out of here. I loved and trusted this man and have tried my best to be the best wife I could be. I have never let myself go even during the worst of time's. His thing's and his enjoyment are more important then taking care of me during a flare! That is a marriage vow breaker to me. He has done a lot for me to make sure I am comfortable. He hasn't always been like this but I think he is having a mid-life crisis as well.

I am so needy right now, I hate it. I can't thank you all enough for this support. You guy's are my heart.

I am leaving to be with my family. He could be a lurker on here so I won't say anymore then that until after the fact.
Diagnosed with A.S. 29 year's ago.
Diagnosed with Fibro 10 year's ago.
Remicade, Intrathecal Pain Pump 2013

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