I'm still a newlywed (3 years)
but we have a pretty special situation here - my husband was very healthy, worked physical jobs long hours, went to school, fixed everything, cooked, etc and took wonderful
care of me (the cripple) until, 2 months before our daughter was born, HE became very, very sick.
2.5 years later, he has no diagnosis and now I'M the strong one. That part sucks. And since then, we have literally had one thing after another go wrong, (just ask anyone here, I'm not kidding) from our ever-decreasing health (I'm now half-paralyzed and fighting the C word) to finances to family deaths (several) and estrangements to stupid appliances breaking, it has just been nonstop
. And every single day I wish HE could be the strong one again, let me tell you. But I wouldn't trade him in for a triathlete's body, a thousand acre ranch and a million dollars.
I think, honestly, the ONLY thing that should affect your decision whether or not to marry is your love for that person. Period. If you and she are a Good Match (I don't mean just hot in bed, I don't mean Passionate, I mean you love each other with a stronger-than-steel, comfortable, every day kind of love) then you will still have a good marriage, despite illness, poverty, fire, flood, anything.
You just have to make sure that you never let resentment build between you. Any time one of you feels a little tiny seed of resentment toward the other, (which happens a lot when one spouse is ill and can't bring home a big paycheck, or fix the roof, or get out of bed, and the other is required to take up the slack) then talk it out IMMEDIATELY. My poor niece almost got divorced her first year of marriage for exactly that reason, she's handicapped and her hubby is healthy and he resented her because all he saw was a pampered girl sitting at home all day while he busted his butt to bring home a paycheck.
1 Do you think that one with AS should get married?
ABSOLUTELY! If you find the right person. My dad (divorced 6 times) says "Marriage makes a good relationship better and a bad relationship worse." And so far I'd say he's right. And having a partner in life is just fabulous. EVEN if you're both sick.
2 What will be the quality of life?
Who freakin knows? When we got married, we THOUGHT it'd be pretty easy, that he'd continue working full time and i'd work part time and we'd live just fine in our cheap little house. We were living below our means at the time. Stuff changes. But I'm confident that hard work and faith and perseverance and clean living will SOMEDAY pay off for us and we will eventually be able to be self-sufficient. Our house is messy, we're broke as heck, and I'm half-paralyzed but somehow we are still happy. And our daughter is FANTASTIC.
3 What will be the quality of life if i follow NSD ?
It's worth a try! Maybe it'll work for you. It could improve things greatly.
4 What is the quality of life with Anit-TNF?
See #3. ALL treatments are worth looking into.
5 Can we provide everything to our better half?
Nope. But then, nobody can, really. What happens to healthy people when they get old? They get sick like us. And everybody has their own cross to bear. Some people are mentally ill, some are unemployable, some are ugly. The IMPORTANT thing is that you provide love and friendship and constant support. The other stuff is just stuff. But backrubs are very important.
6 Will AS (just AS in mind) cause any problem in consecption of children?
Not on the man's side, I don't think. It can sure make pregnancy less fun, but I really don't think it'd affect things from your angle.
There are lots of couples (I know several personally) with HORRIBLE health, on one or both sides, who have wonderful marriages and make each other happy every day. And then there are a ton (TON) of perfectly healthy couples who make each other miserable every day. Your illness cannot ruin a marriage unless you let it. I think maybe KAers seem to have a higher ratio of good marriages because people don't usually rush into a marriage with someone on a cane. I think maybe it takes a stronger person to marry one of us, but then we end up blessed with better marriages in the long run. I'm 26 and MOST of my healthy friends are already divorced, and they ALL envy me. Even though we're nearly homeless and i can't use my legs and my husband spends 20 hours in bed each day. lol.Bottom line - don't let AS stop you from falling in love and building a life. We may be crippled, but we're not dead!