Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion Friends and Family Support Group Marriage & AS

Hi,

From all the posts i have been able to read, i surely understand that marraige, love & As have worked for most.

But now here is my situation - i am male 33 years diagnosed of AS in April 2008 but due to my stupidity and lack of info, my AS accelrated very fast as my diet was 100% starch most of the time before. In the early 2007 i had taken a X-ray which shows evertyhing normal but in Dec 2009 X-ray shows 3 of my lumbar and 2 of my Cervical vertibrates are fused.

Though i can walk for a 1km at a strech and climb upto 25 to 30 stairs independently right now (still have lot of difficulty). I am on SAAS tabs (2 morning and 2 night from the last 3 months) with this as my back ground. please let me know your opinion on the below

1 Do you think that one with AS should get married?

2 What will be the quality of life?

3 What will be the quality of life if i follow NSD ?

4 What is the quality of life with Anit-TNF?

5 Can we provide everything to our better half?

6 Will AS (just AS in mind) cause any problem in consecption of children?

Thanks in advance for your frank opinions

life is so unpredictable. healthy people get married, someone gets sick. someone sick gets married, they find a treatment that helps them feel and function better. and other things besides health can strain a marriage, or a couple can go through hardships together and come through them stronger than before. i'd say if you both love one another and want to spend your lives together, go for it, we just can't predict what the future holds.

though others may be able to give you a better personal account of what their lives have been like being married with AS.

my husband and i both have chronic health issues, but i wouldn't for a second wind the clock back and change a thing, regarding the relationship that is. if i could ask for better health for both of us, that, i'd change in a second!

Manju,

The conception question made me chuckle. My husband has had AS since he was 18 year old. We have been married for 25 years. We have had eight full term babies and three miscarrages. The AS did not affect our fertility. Keep in mind that he was not on any meds except for Ibuprophen. I am not familiar with what you ar on.

You can have a good marriage with AS, but please do your wife the favor of taking every oportunity to tell her how you are feeling. Don't force her to guess. Some of us are not that good at it. There are times when the pain is real bad and the marriage kind of takes a back seat for a while until the pain subsides. She should know that it you are dealing with the pain and not excluding her from your life. Please, please please be open and honest with her. It will be the best gift you can give her.

Every person enters a marriage broken in one way or another. You happen to know your weakness. Your wife might not know hers for years, but we all have them.

Have thought about how you will feel if one of your kids has AS? Marty is dealing with that right now. It is not easy. But I figure if we know how to treat AS ,NSD, then if one of our kids do test positve, we will know what to do to lessen or stop any damage right away. Is your potential wife aware that AS has a genetic component?

In my opinion, the quality of life you have with your wife is determined more by how strong your relationship is, not by which conditions either one of you have. The quality of your emotional relationship is more important than the quality of the physical relationship.

I wish you and your future wife all the happiness that Heaven can lavish on you.

Peace,
Jeanne

hey buddy, get onto that horse and bring your other half home

Life is too hard, you need a companion. My wife and I have been going out for last 5 years, AS cropped up 2-3 years back. There were times when, quite seriously, I tried to get out of relationship... never wanted her to deal with advanced AS life, but she stood strong and really quite honestly she has carried me all this time. She has given me the energy to fight and on more crappy days given me strength to live thru it... and on close to death by pain days, just stood by my side...
My partner has severe anxiety problem, so we stand by eachother. help eachother. Life goes on enjoy some wine have some fun on the way as well.

Anti TNF has helped me heaps, but i have been lucky to catch it as soon as it climbed above 50-75 ESR. Got some damage but thats life.

About kids, all is good. Although there is a thought out there that some NSAIDs tend to make you feel otherwise. And the Sulphur based drugs can bring fertility down, but as soon as you go off those, you are back to normal.

Hello Manju

Firstly, you are not stupid at all. We are all cursed with having an incurable disease. Are you finding the NSD is having an effect on your pain and inflamation levels by the way?

Sorry, back to your questions...

1. I think that any two people who freely decide to get married should be able to.

2. No one can be sure of their quality of life in the future (that's why they slip the "in sickness and in health" line into marriage vows). Of course, knowing you have a chronic condition is different from the "possibility" of illness in the future, but as long as your partner is aware of your condition, then you both make a decision together. Life is uncertain.

3. The NSD is not a guarantee or cure (in my opinion) it is one option for dealing with AS and it's degree of success or failure varies with each and every person who tries it.

4. I don't know anything about TNF i'm afraid.

5. I'm not too sure what you meant with this question - but again, there are no guarantees in life - you can only do your best for the person you love in whatever way you are able.

6. I don't know about AS and conception... all sorts of factors can increase or decrease your chances of conception. I don't know what bearing (if any) AS has on this.

I think it is a miracle in life if you can find someone you love who loves you in return and you want to be together. Hold on to it if it comes your way - it might not along again.

There are always a million reasons why you shouldn't do something! Sometimes you have to just take a leap of faith!

Take care, Manju

AS will not affect fertility in and of itself. However, some medications will. Sulfasalazine will cause temporary infertility in males.

Hi Manju,
I got married nearly 5 years ago when my AS was really flaring it hasnt affected my married life my wife accepts me and loves me for the person I am despite being bent over and looking like I've lost something and constantly looking for it. It's a good thing to do if you meet the right person who can accept you as you are. My wife never criticises anything about me and is very supportive of my pain and all the problems that go with it.Life is what you make it.

Kevin

1. I think that should be decided by you, but your A.S. should not stop you from taking control of your life and your life decisions.

2. Future can never be predicated. This just doesn't apply to people suffering from A.S. but to everyone in general. Life is in most part what you make of it, no matter what your situation is.

3. Many people (including myself)have had great success with NSD, I really believe that many others could have had success with this diet, only if they would have had tried harder to be as strict as possible about it. You shouldn't give up on it easily.

4. I don't have any experience with TNF-Alfa blockers, but I don't like the idea of compromising my immune system at all, so I would leave it as a last resort.

5. For the most part yes, I believe that love conquers everything.

6. No, as others mentioned earlier some drugs for A.S. sufferers will affect fertility but on a temporary basis.

Cheers
Alex

Hey Manju,

This is a tricky subject since there are serious issues to consider but ultimately love can still find you, even if you try to hide from it...maybe especially then.

As for your questions:

1. Yes, I think we should get married or find a mate or whatever you choose for your own life. Love is powerful medicine and no matter what, no matter how bad things get, love can make it better and we still have to live our lives.

2. Your QOL will be what you make of it. Many people live their lives with AS pretty much as they always did. For some, their lives can be completely turned upside down. Marriage or any loving relationship can be something that gives you strength, renews a will to live well, encourages us to reach out and challenge ourselves.

3 & 4. Efficacy of any particular treatment plan is touch and go, at best. There are no promises (no honest ones anyway) that any option will be useful. All we can do is try and hope for the best.

5. No. I certainly cannot provide everything for my wife. Even if I were healthy, I wouldn't be able to do that! I suspect the answer to this question depends upon how needy and demanding your spouse is...lol

Good luck with this one!

6. Although AS doesn't typically interfere with our abilities to procreate, it most certainly CAN. My wife and I struggled with trying to conceive but my sperm is messed up by the anti-bodies my body produces. It's a hard pill to swallow what with all the other problems caused by the AS but you accept it and move on - a child is one of the things I couldn't provide for my wife it seems.

In the end, I'm a big fan of marriage. Pieces of paper aside, gathering family and friends to make a public declaration of your love and life together is a beautiful thing. Having said that, people can and do live fulfilling lives without a long-term partner, it isn't like we cannot function on our own. To be honest, I've often thought that it might be easier all around if I weren't married though. Living with someone who is suffering from an "invisible disease" can be very difficult and the demands of a family can be overwhelming when you are in a lot of pain.

I suppose it depends on the marriage. When things are bad, marriage feels like a stone weight hung around your neck - a burden that takes on extra significance during times of pain; When times are good though, they are even better for having someone to share them with.

No matter what, love is a worthy goal to strive towards.

Chris

Just found the question to my problem, I do have same experience with you. I get AS in 1997, but last x-ray is on Sept 2007. and the spine it still okay, no fusion except the bottom of the spine has damage a bit. But after i got treatment by chemo and steroid for 1 year in 2008, my flexibility is worse and there is more pain. I'm afraid to accept the truth doing x-ray and choose to just live the life by NSD. Might be there some case of fusion too in 2 years, but i still hope there is not (fingers crossed)

About the marriage, i say marriage is based on your decision not based on the AS, Let us control our life. And i think have one person we love and we can share also has children is one best medicine for AS.. I looking forward to find the other half of me and go marry too in the future